Square

So Frank teases me yesterday about how I am like a Stepford wife. I was talking about how I was excited to decorate for Christmas, and apparently because I have made him cookies in the past, I am now some obiedient, robot of perfection. Being called a Stepford wife is NOT a compliment. AND THEN, the girl that I was training, (you know, the one I wrote about coming in with bruises from her "boyfriend") has the nerve to call me SQUARE. What the hell? Am I really that freaking boring? Prudish? Because I have morals, and values and I work hard at being a good person, which is EXTREMELY hard because these days I find most people are shallow, selfish and just plain suck? I am so tired of being called a miss goody two shoes. People have no idea who I am. None. Tried talking to Frank about how this bothered me, and he didn’t take me seriously. No one ever does. Thats why no one knows who I really am. Jesus.

Really the whole thing hurts. I don’t care how stupid me being upset may sound, or how immature. Or what everyone else thinks. My friends think I am because I don’t get plastered…"oh hanna doesn’t like alcohol..lets not invite her to any parties…" No….Hanna likes to be in control of her body….pardon her for wanting to know what happened to her the night before. I’m sorry a couple drinks for me ISN’T ENOUGH. I’m sorry I haven’t slept with more guys then two of my hands can count. I’m sorry I haven’t smoked weed, dropped acid or smoked a pack of ciggerets.

I may not be the most exciting person in the world, but I can be silly, and adventerous. Is it going to take me getting plastered, stoned or slutting myself out to be thought of as some one "cool"?  My whole life I have never been thought of as anything more than a good girl. I am sooooooooooo tired of that god damn label. They get this first impression of me and then thats it. Apparently there is nothing more to me? But to be quite honest, there is nothing more to anyone else either.  At leas the people who call me square, and miss goody two shoes. I didn’t know name calling was still so popular with a 30 year old. But at least I am smart enough to stay away from men who beat me, abuse me, and use me. At least I don’t live off my mother and I work hard for what I have. Bust my ass at a full time job just to make it through school, and I am so not about to take crap from people because they’re jealous they can’t be a better person. Ya know what? FUCK THEM. That may sound pretentious, arrogant, concieded, I don’t really care.

I am who I am, and who I always will be. Take it or leave it. I know these people are just mad because they haven’t done shit with their lives and they want to take it out on some one who works hard for theirs. Its a jealousy thing. They may be pretty, get all the guys and be popular at all the parties, but you know what, at least I can look in the mirror and be proud of the person I am INSIDE. So maybe I am square on the outside….but no one has a clue the curves I have on the inside. And that’s their loss. Because no one bothers to look, past their noses to see that. I’m done.