Something Of Substance

            Wow, I am shocked an amazed. Let me start by saying that I am a regular reader of a certain, controversial Open Diarist. I don’t always agree with the things he writes, or opinions he encompasses, but he has a right to think and feel the way he wants. I also must confess I enjoy (even the times I don’t agree) reading what he has to say, because of the perspective it is coming from. It’s not every day you get into the mind of people like him, mostly because people like him stay hidden in the shadows of society, they don’t want to be found out. (Don’t worry, as far as I know it’s not like he’s molesting children or raping women! Or, stalking and killing anyone. If he is, he leaves that part out! Lol) Actually, this entry is more of a rebuttal against some of his “noters” than anything else.

 

Here’s is the excerpt from his diary that sparked so many responses:

 

“I am no longer employed, emptied my bank account, and divorced long ago. I’ve reached the end of my rope and this is a last-ditch attempt. Do you want the company of a woman? I need a man who will allow me to move in, permanently, in exchange for unlimited sexual favors. I won’t turn tricks (with other men) for you but will always keep all orifices open to accommodate your desires and wishes. I’ll be your plaything around the clock, nothing is taboo, and no limits. I’ll go without condoms if you wish but from this I need something as well. Make me an offer and inquire about additional specifics if interested. I’m a recent European immigrant, age thirty, not heavy and not slim.

 

This was an actual ad I saw recently and this person seems to be entirely within the bounds of the law. This describes a huge number of present day marriages in this society and many of them produced children just like us. The difference is that, once married, the women discover that they have considerable leverage and they threaten to use it whenever it suits them.

Strangely enough, while she can do that, the struggling college student whose ad also appeared nearby is out of bounds when she speaks of wanting a guy to help her pay tuition and rent. In my mind the college student is a bit more commendable in her enterprising efforts at paying the bills for a good cause. She’s a fourth year student too, so there is a lot riding on her ability to come up with the needed cash soon.”

 

—–> Moving on to some sample noter’s comments. (So you can see where my opinions are coming from.):

 

"This describes a huge number of present day marriages in this society and many of them produced children just like us. The difference is that, once married, the women discover that they have considerable leverage and they threaten to use it whenever it suits them."

HUH?? Are you really suggesting that women are playthings who only want to get married so that a man will be around to take care of them?

I agreed with your porn entry, but I think you have some serious issues when it comes to women. It’s one thing to visit prostitutes, but a completely different thing to to think that women actually ENJOY being degraded. “   We’ll call this noter #1

 

“Okay, first off, if I found a guy who would take care of me, pay all the bills, and leave me at home to do what I pleased for a screw and blow job when he wanted them, I’d be happy as a clam. Men were created to take care of women. Period. And, biologically, women were made to bear children and raise them. Period. Past that: MSOJ, you’re right, short of payment, there isn’t much of a difference.”  à Noter #2

“I am appalled that anyone thinks that would be a good, or even ok, situtation. Have you ever been in a relationship similar? Where you don’t really have to do anything except provide sex? How terribly demeaning! I can’t imagine anything worse – to be reduced to that, to being unable or even just not required to contribute anything to the relationship – not to mention I’d likely not be

attracted to the guy, making the part about having sex with him whenever HE wanted absolutely unbearable.

Yuck. I mean, sure it sounds nice at first thought, but the equality would be so skewed and you’d have to end up feeling so worthless (as with any job that relies solely on the physical). No thank you. I’d MUCH rather take care of my damn self!!” <span style="font-size: 10pt; fo

nt-family: Wingdings;”>à Noter #3

 

Okay, so moving on from there now that you know where I am coming from.

 

            It isn’t really that I want to preach. Hell, maybe no one will even read this. However I do feel compelled to write what I think on the matter. My only hope is that I stay focused in my thinking and writing of what I am thinking, ha ha. So let’s see where I’d like to begin.

Regarding noter #2. Let me just say, WOW. I have a feeling this is a woman who was ….man, I don’t even know? Raised in a family that was lacking in the love and respect department? Or to parents who got together by an arranged marriage, lol. How primal her/his note is. Maybe in the days of CAVEMEN roamed the earth it was man’s job to bring home mammoth meat while the women popped out cavemen baby boys. I mean TRUE the reason for man and woman is to procreate. That is the basics, but it has also come to mean so much more as time has evolved.

            I find it truly sad that this person can so easily say she’d put herself in a relationship such as that if a man were to provide for her in every way, she’d gladly reduce herself to a “sex” object to have that kind of security. How can some one respect themselves that way? What is the point of even living if that is all you’re good for? Other than sex this person would be USELESS to her life, to some one else’s life and to society as a whole. (In my opinion.) Two people should be romantically involved because they share commonalities, they respect each other, because there is passion and intimacy and a friendship. Not because Bubba pays your 2007 Mercedes Benz, cell phone bills and gives you a monthly allowance to pay bills, buy food and get your nails done every two weeks and all he asks for in return  is a “bj and a screw every now and then.”  How meaningless and lonely that would be. That is just at the boyfriend and girlfriend level.

            When you bring marriage into the picture that truly outrages me. Marriage is a sacred union between two people who love and care about each other and want to make a life together. Together being the key word here folks. Marriage isn’t the man paying the bills and the wives having bridge club on Tuesday nights anymore ladies. Marriage is about two people, two friends, to lovers, putting on their battle gear for life and going in strong. TOGETHER. Paying bills together, making memories together, loving together, having kids together and working together to make a solid foundation for their marriage. I don’t see how for one second that is anything like legalized prostitution. People who marry each other aren’t selling themselves to make ends meet, or to support their crack habits.

            So this person who would so freely give her body away if it meant some guy paying her bills is degrading to women, ALL WOMEN. It is degrading  to all women who have worked hard and fought for their independence. To all women who carry themselves with pride and dignity because they are some one who has worked hard to survive whether they are single or married.  I think it is very unfair and RUDE to say all women enter marriages just to get their bills paid. To have that security in return for sex. ( I am not saying some women don’t do this, because they certainly do, I am saying it angers me to put all women in that category. Because the percentage of women out their marrying for love and friendship outweighs those women marrying for financial security these days.)

            To noter #2, if you want to sell your body in exchange for your visa platinum being paid off, more power to you. It’s your body, your right. But don’t pollute the vows of marriage with your exploitation of yourself. As for those in this entry I am referring to saying marriage is merely legalized prostitution; you make me want to scream. The intimacy that comes with marriage can’t be bought. It is a deep-rooted connection between two individuals who couldn’t bare the thought of being with another person. Between two people who find love and comfort in each other’s arms. Two people who are excited around one another. It isn’t favor. (At least it shouldn’t be.) It should be something mutually wanted and desired. It’s not an “easy lay.”

            I am in a relationship now where my mate respects me for the person I am, for the person I am becoming, for the things I can do, and think for myself. He respects the fact that I work my butt off to pay bills on time and put myself through college, relying on myself to get ahead in life. I am not saying there aren’t times he doesn’t help me, because he has. But as much as he has helped me, I have helped him. I don’t need to sleep with him to repay him for helping me out. Our sharing a bed is something we do because we have chemistry. Physical, mental, whatever. We have it. Should we ever marry, things wouldn’t change. I wouldn’t marry him because he would pay my bills and put bread and water on the table. I would marry him because he is a great person with a big heart, and h

e would marry me for the same reasons. Not because he has some one to “screw” when he pays the bills on time like a “good boy.” Again I stress, marriage is nothing like legalized prostitution. Even when the cave man “married” or stuck with a mate being that they didn’t have marriage then (probably) they did so to create a life together and procreate more kids to follow in their suit. The woman (even if just a house wife, or, cave wife lol) worked just as hard as the man by just keeping a home.

            I think by now I am just going around in circles saying the same things over and over by now. I just want to keep stressing my points! I am not saying that women who are content to provide sexual “favors” in return for a roof over their head and food on the table are “bad” necessarily. I think if anything they are just “selling” themselves short of the woman they could become if they would apply themselves. I think they are just being lazy and setting bad examples for other girls who have the potential to become something great, and to share their potential with a great man who admires her. If you think having a sugar daddy is the easy way out, it is. But 30 years from now when your grandkids ask you what contribution to life you made, what will you tell them?

So I will leave you with MY response to my fellow diarist’s entry.

“I have mixed feelings on this entry. On one hand I always find it facinating to read some one else’s opinions and seeing where they are coming from. But I’d also have to disagree with the whole getting married in exchange for sex bit. Granted I am not yet married, but I assure you, should I ever get married, it wouldn’t be to have a man provide for me, and in return I provide sexual favors.

But marriage is a union between two people who LOVE, RESPECT, and go into it as EQUAL partners. 1. It takes two people these days to support their life style. 2. Sex between two married people should be giving and affectionate and desirable for both partners. It’s free because it’s exclusive. How can a woman who goes into a marriage just looking for security in exchange for sexual favors be

considered respectable? If that’s what they want to do, great, but don’t polute vows you took with meaningless sex for a paid electric bill. Don’t get married! I am not downing women who do this, I am downing using marriage as a means for it. I think marriage is too sacred to be exploited by those/these people. And, not ALL women go into marriages for this reason. Some people actually get

married because they love, and care about eachother. And can’t see them selves with anyone else. But that’s just my opinion. I can assure you should I get married, it would be to a man who saw me as an independant woman who respects what I can do and who I am. Not because I am now his wife and I am an "easy"lay when he pays mybills. You can have those anywhere. But it’s definately NOT for marriage”