Ramblings, Pride, and Hate

    Ha, you should see me limping around at work. I’ve never gotten so many pitty comments before!! Lol. It’s kinda nice actually, I’ll just soak up all the attention, lol. Thankfully though, the customers have been really good about coming to the desk for things instead of making me bring them to their rooms. It’s been a pretty slow night too, so I haven’t had to work TOO hard…..but really, when do I? lol.

    Uhg, Rachel’s moving to Indiana has me so impatient for my move to NY. It’s not fair that she got out of this town before I did, lol. I wanted out so much more than she ever did!! Grrr, why do I have to wait?  But I have also learned that all good things come in time. Sooo, yeah. But like tonight she was so proud of herself. Her new boyfriend was at work, and she was making meat loaf, and I coached her through mash potatos, and it turned out so good and she was so excited to be making him a dinner. Thats all I want at this point now you know?? I just want to be in NY, with Frank….I want to be able to make him those dinners. I want us to have our little tiffs about why he didn’t do this, and why I am nagging him about that. Those closer I get to moving to NY, the more impatient I become about it, lol. Besides getting to go to Europe, it’s all I can think about. If I can just get through this next thing, I am that much closer to moving. I really hate that I will be flying into JFK and can’t even see the city, lol.  It’s such a teaser too. The closest thing I will have is just knowing I am in NYC..even if it is just for a layover. =)

    Today I turned in my project for my social differences class. My presentation was on myths of the homosexual "world."  Man i hate that term, lol. Like they live on another planet or something. But thats how it’s labled. Anyway, I found some AWESOME pictures for my presentation. In fact, even though everything was full of information and personal insights, I had more fun looking for pictures than anything else, lol.  She let me turn it in today since I had a doctors appointment a couple weeks ago when it was due. Every one else in the class did like presentations on different ethnic groups, and never even touched the topic of homosexaulity which is like a HUGE topic when considering descrimination.  I really think she’ll like my presentation. Growing up in Southern Calif, and my mom who surrounded herself and myself with gay friends, I really take offense at …well, just how cruel people can be to other people who "aren’t like them." So I feel like, I should stand up and defend them you know? Anyway, I just got really passionate about my paper, haha. 
    It cracks me up, every time I go visit Frank while he’s house setting for his dad, the bedspread is a hand made pride quilt. And so here his father is, gay of course, with another man. And then I come over, and a heterosexual couple sleep under the very same blanket. I think it’s very ironic, and symbolic. I love how Frank is so comfortable with it you know? Being a straight male, you’d think he refuse to sleep under that blanket. But like me, that stuff doesn’t matter to him.  The only problem I have with the bed is that they have blue plaid sheets under the quilt, and it soooooooooo doesn’t match. I keep asking him, "Frank, you’re dad is gay, so what happened to his good taste and sense of style!???" haha. I have a friend from HS, who used to be ashamed of her "dads."  And I used to ask her why..why why why…What’s to be ashamed of? What is to question? Frank, I don’t think he’s ever questioned, or been ashamed. He’s just loved and accepted no matter what.
    I remember over the summer, a soldier died in Iraq, and he was from here, in the town I live in. His body was being brought home for the funeral and burial. And a fax came through our machine from a BAPTIST CHURCH, that told us not to rent to the friends, family and fellow soldiers of this young man. That this man died because there are gay people on in this country..on this planet. That it was a punishment for allowing homosexuality to exsist. They were going to protest outside the church/funeral home of this fallen soldier.  I pretty much came unglued. Like if I wasn’t working, I would have walked myself down to the protest and shot every one of them, lol. How can people, who are supposed to be spreading God’s word, and God’s love have such hate and judgement over other people?  How is celebrating some one’s death as a punishment because two men or two women happen to love eachother somewhere out there, loving mankind??? I just don’t understand how people can hate that much. How they can be THAT vengeful. I always ask people who are "homophobic" how they’d react, if say, homosexuality was the "norm" and heterosexuality wasn’t. How would they feel if they were told they had no rights as a couple. That they couldn’t get married, share a last name, have or adopt children. But then I don’t give them a chance to respond. "Who makes heterosexuals so damn special???"…but they never have a good excuse. The only one they can think of is, "it’s in the bible!!!"…"so recite the verse to me then. Tell me word for word what it says.." Which, I don’t even know, haha. But ….I get so passionate about it because I can’t understand hate…I dunno…And even if it is "wrong"….what is it to me you know? I got my own problems, my own battles if I am going to heaven or hell, why should I worry about some one elses???
    …Sorry, just rereading my paper and my project, it just got me fired up again. I am not sure why I am so passionate about the topic, probably because I have loved and cared about so many people who weren’t "straight" that I feel…..like I am one of them you know? Even though I am labled "straight."  I wish I had had a chance to present this in class. I would have love to see what the response would have been from my class mates.  It feels good though. To just let loose and put all my thoughts and feelings out there. I could write for days on this stuff.
    I have really missed writing too. I keep meeting people who write this…these wonderful poems, songs..stuff like that…such moving stuff…so empowering…and I feel left out. Like my inspiration died…..a candle you just can’t light anymore, no matter how much you keep trying and burning your thumb in the process. But I do miss it. I wish I could find it in me to write again. I don’t know, maybe that chapter in my life is closed now…who knows.