Rainy Days in Cape Town

Grrrr, its been storming (which I don’t mind) since Thursday, but what I DO mind is it keeps messing up my internet! I am going on like, day 3 of not being able to talk to Frank. Well, and when I get to work, he logs off to go hang out with friends. I don’t begrudge him a social life or anything but I kinda feel needy and want to talk to him. Hopefully he’ll log on later.  He usually does a good job of making me feel better. Man I miss him so much….when he’s here my worries dissapear…:)

Ahhh but anyways, moving on. I dyed my hair, it looks pretty good. I like it. I needed a small change, something I could control the outcome of right now. Im serioualy thinking of quitting my job. I will probably wait until after my vacation with Frank, where-ever we decide to go. I am pretty sure things won’t get any better around here, I just hope I can hold out that long. But just pulling into the parking lot stresses me out because I know a mess, rumors, and petty bullshit awaits me inside. Im almost 21 and I feel burnt out. I like my job though, its just the people I work with, (well just a couple of them really, the rest are good people to work with) make it hard to tollerate. The new girl Sheffery, Lee the manager, and Ish the owner, who really was the only reason I was staying has now changed since his return from India. He’s so mean now and yells a lot. He makes people practically cry every day. He hasn’t lashed out at me really, I can’t see him doing that, but I don’t like how he’s treating the other employees. None of us really get paid enough to put up with that crap. At the same time this job allows me freedoms I may not find anywhere else. Like the fact I can be online to do my homework here, or I get cooperation when I want to visit Frank.  So Im really torn on what to do. I guess the right solution will come to me when its time.

But other then that, thats my only REAL problem right now is my job. But I guess who doesn’t have work problems, lol. Everyone hates their job. The weather is turning warm now and Im so excited. Time for capri’s and tank/halter tops! Victoria’s Secret has some cute one’s I’ve got my eyes on. Maybe I will treat myself to a couple for my big 2 1 birthday! I don’t know why I feel so excited to turn 21, lol I hear it only goes down hill from there. Im definately looking forward to Spring break too, I dearly miss sleeping in. I feel so tired all the time between work and school! But it must be done if I wan’t to make it anywhere in this world. I refuse to remain a desk clerk forever, lol.

Next Thursday and Friday I am going to do some major spring cleaning. I am getting rid of anything and everything I don’t use anymore. I boxing up my past and anything related to it and putting it in the shed. I only want stuff that reminds me of good times, and things I use or appreciate daily. I feel like my house and life has like, all this clutter that would be better off at the rescue mission! I have so many pictures to go through and to put into photo albums, clothes I refuse to throw out but never wear. My house looks clean, but I feel so disorganized and cluttered. Time to do something about it!  Cleaning out my closet..lol

I have also decided not to write the detective back regarding the letter. I think I am looking for answers where there aren’t any. I know I want closure on the whole thing but I will never, ever truely have that. The way he died didn’t allow for closure. So now I just have to come to terms with it, accept it, and try to move on from it. He’s dead. Nothing will change, or fix, or make any sense out of the whole thing. I think its also time I move his ashes as well, from the small cardboard box he’s in to a nice urn or something. I dunno, and maybe one day it will feel right to spread them, who knows. I just have a hard time letting go and I need to work on that.

Anyway that was a lil self discovery entry since nothing new is going on with me.  I thought a little break in the storm from last entry was needed haha. But work is getting busy so I better end this here.