OVER and out. Ask Me Anything

Well almost, there are still 3 more days of classes, but they are just finals and I have a feeling they will be relatively easy. So I am really not that stressed out about it! One I don’t even have to take since she drops the lowest test score, but Ima take it and maybe do better than one of the other tests and bump my grade up a few points. Can’t hurt me either way, can only help! But I am looking forward to the small break and headache of busy work. This has been the hardest semester yet. But Ima keep busting my ass so I can get the hell out of missouri, thats for sure. Can’t wait to start my own life, on my own.  Not that living with my mom is bad. We get along great and she doesn’t impose on me or anything, but I just want to have my own house and feel totally independant you know? But thats going to take time because I don’t want to just jump into it and be back home in a month! Plus my mom still needs so much help from me with bills and stuff..I can’t just like, leave her stranded. But ahhhhh well..anyway moving on.

Frank says he’s going to get his ticket when he gets stateside again. I am so excited I could just scream. I won’t be fully satisified until the tickets have been arranged and made. I miss him so much, I haven’t seen him since August. We talk everyday, but it isn’t the same as being together in person. After four years I am ready to live in the same town or house or city or state! By the time I move to NY, it will be 5 years of this distance thing. It seems like such a long time when I say it like that. But it hasn’t felt like that long. It feels like I have just met him like last year or something. Time flies when you’re having fun I guess. I hope we’re able to be around eachother more often when I move. All we know is how to handle being apart for long periods of time.

So anyway, there are 7 hours left of work.  I feel really wiped out for some reason. I have this weekend off so I will probably spend it being incredibly lazy. I am lookin forward to that! I have been stuck here at work, snowed in, and I haven’t been sleeping well. I miss my cat. It is hard for me to sleep without her. Plus I don’t like sleeping alone in strange beds. So tonight when I get home I just want to crawl under my heating blanket, watch some TV and just zone out. I don’t even want to think. I know thats not possible but the idea is sure nice. I miss sleeping with Frank too. I like falling asleep knowing he’s there and waking up knowing he’s there. I am a much happier person then. I feel content, and safe. He keeps away so much bad, and when he’s around I forget the bad for a little while and I can focus on being truely happy.  Plus I got a couple little nighties from VS to make him focus on being happy -wink wink-

I wish I could be like other diarist and not hold things back. Just bare it all no matter how raw or happy or painful or what. I wish I didn’t hold back so much. Its not like anyone on here knows me personally, but I still feel like I should keep part of myself away from people. Its not even that I have so much to share, but sometimes I just feel like letting things out and I hold myself back for some reason, so I keep some image I guess. Not really sure what I would even make naked about myself. So I am going to rely on readers, to help me dig deep within myself and just lay it ALL on the table. So ask me what you will, I promise to answer anything, no matter how embarresed I may get, how personal it may be, and I promise to be totally honest. Make them questions I will have to think on…not my bra size or something…Im always searching to get something out of my system, but I never know what it is…so this is my method of self therapy….lay it on me.