Mommy

Another pretty day. Hated to waste it here at work, but what can ya do. =/

For the past three days thought I have started back up my pilates! I must say, I feel the results, which is always a good thing. I have also started back up my died. I try to have one good meal a day, and snack on fruit or drink water if I feel hungry. Hopefully I will stay on this thing longer this time around! Though I was doing good for a whole month. But its always easier when you have the money to eat healthy. It is so much cheaper to grab fatty, junk foods. And the nation wonder’s why so many people aren’t thinner and healthy! Craziness. But anyways, I am back on that diet!

I have started talking to that friend I mentioned a while back. It’s nice. Before he crazy episode back in highschool, we were really close and so much  alike. Both silly and goofy. Whenever we fought her dad’s (yes dad’s) would get involved and contact my mom so they could help us resolve our issues, haha. They thought I was a good influence on Valerie they said. But we lost contact for a while, she got so bad and made my life here bad and her dad’s horrible they had to ship her back to her mothers where she got even worse.

I saw her for the first time when a year ago her dad called me to invite me to the baby shower they were having for her here. They wanted me to be the surprise guest! And I was! She started crying when she hugged me, lol. We talked on the phone occasionally after that, and then just recently she was back in town and we had lunch, and now we talk online all the time. Turns out she’s had a rough life. Some hard knocks. Kinda knew that was coming though before she was sent away. But we’re a lot a like in some ways. And I am glad we are able to put aside our high school differences and talk. We’ve been opening up a lot lately, and she told me today she’s needed and missed a friend like me for a long time. That made me feel really good. It let me know I wasn’t the crazy one needing that special friend.  We’ve been catching up on old times, it has been nice.

My feet are killing me. I bought some shoes yesterday for four dollars on the clearance rack. They’re so cute, but because they’re new they aren’t broken in yet. I can’t wait to get them off when I get home! Its amazing the pain and suffering a girl will go through to look good. They do a good job of making my legs look longer, lol. But jeez, do my feet hurt. I also bought some really cute goucho capris yesterday. I love capris, they’re not pants and not shorts, and they’re so comfy.  This store has them 30% off so I think next big pay check I am going to go stock up on them. They’ll be nice if Frank and I go some place tropical. (Still hoping we do.)

I had another dream about me moving to NYC. Man, it’s killing me to wait until next year. It is taking everything I have not to just pack up and move now. Me and Valerie were talking today about my mom and how she feels about me moving and ugh…put me into a downer. My mom doesn’t even like to talk about. She’s terrified of me moving so far away. She gets sad if I go some place over a week, by the third day she’s ready for me to come home. Im all she has, and in all honesty, she’s all I have too. I hate the thought of leaving her here. She has no friends to keep her occupied or company, and no boyfriend or husband or anything…I don’t want to stay in Missouri though. I can’t stay. I can’t stay because of her, thats not fair to me. But at the same time when I think about her and how she is going to feel when I move…it tears me up. I feel so guilty already for just WANTING to move away. I keep telling her to move with me. She can find a great job and get an apartment, and we’d be close. Even if she moved out side of the city too ya know? like PA or NJ…I dunno…I don’t want to leave her behind. I need her. I have had her my whole life, and to be honest the thought of leaving her terrifies me. I’ve never been on my own without her.

Shrug. Maybe I can convince her to move there too, lol. Like after I move I will find her this great job and affordable apartment and she can be right there! That’d be great. I could still live on my own and have my mom in the same city, or area. =) And if she doesn’t follow me, maybe I can convince her to move up to where my uncle is at up by Chicago. At least she’d be close to people she knows, and he brother calls her constantly anyway, then she’d be right there and could annoy her so much she’d WISH could be alone haha. I don’t know. I have a year to figure everything out.  But Val brought it up and it has been on my mind. I wish I could find her a boyfriend, lol. Some new romance to wrap herself up in. Some one passionate, and mysterious, intriguing…some one who will stimulate her mind and soul. She hasn’t had that in such a long time, and I think she has given up on ever finding it again. Maybe I will do a personal ad for her, and screen all the dudes and only pick out the ones I think are perfect for her and let the crazies go…lol.  HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM     Any ideas?