Long Nights

Here I spend another long Saturday night at work. The midnight shift again. I am training a girl, and in the back ground I hear her telling me her life stories and failure with men. She seems hooked to the bad ones. Keeps asking me what she should do, but I think for selfish reasons. She loves the man who beats her. Maybe she gets turned on by the scratch marks and bruised eyes? Its an old story. My advice is so easy but what do I know? Maybe some day she will get tired of it. For now, she can just explain the busted lips and tacky hickys to her three little kids. My head hurts, I am almost wishing she would shut up…and she finds it so amusing. I bet one day when he takes it to far and she never wakes up to kiss her kids goodnight, it won’t be so amusing then….but until then…until then…

Its storming outside. I love rainy nights. The air gets this fresh smell, and I want to go stomp in all the puddles! Pretend I am 10 years old again, back home in California, dancing in the muggy rain. Too cold to do that here!  Every day it gets colder too, and I just want to crawl back under my heated blanket and sleep the days away.

And I miss Frank, I haven’t got to speak to him in a few days, with him being six hours ahead and me working crazy hours, I doubt we’ve even been up at the same time! But I miss talking to him, he makes me smile, and sane. Even after 4 years I feel the butterflies. Do you think they’ll always be there? I see so many people who are together for years, and somewhere along the way they have lost that spark, those fluttering feelings. I hope we don’t grow "old" together. I want us to always be able to talk when we eat, have his arm around me until I fall asleep….sigh….I wish Janurary was here….so when his plane lands, and I see him walk into the baggage claim, I can give him the biggest hug!  I swear he’s my happiness. I am so unhappy here, that having him to look forward to makes everything worth enduring….I am sure if he were reading this he would be saying "Awwwww"…then eventually start rolling his eyes, because I am so mushy, and emotional, and silly and me….and he’s so closed off, poised…and….well, closed off..lol But every now and then, when he holds me, I feel his reserve kinda melt away..and sometimes I even get lucky, and he will let his wall down and let me inside his head and feelings. It usually lasts for 5 minutes, but at least its something! haha

Anyway, I better go, finish training this girl on the midnight shift so she’ll know what in the hell to do when she’s here alone! And then she’ll wonder why she’s even here….lol