Lonely.

    Guess it has been a while since I have shared any updates. Though really I have been rather moody, and I have wanted to avoid writing some bitter and depressing sob entry. Looks like it ultimately was unavoidable! Ha.
    I guess I will start with my uncle who is now living with us in a small 2 bedroom apartment. It didn’t seem so small before, but it certainty does now. He has been unemployed now for a little over two years, and has been living off unemployment. In September his UE money ran out, and my mom told him he could come live with us. (Which I MUCH opposed. I mean I understand it’s her brother, and I don’t want to see him homeless, but I don’t want him living with us either.) So she has invited a controlling, alcoholic to come into our home. For the most part he is respectful that he is in OUR home, but he still drinks 3 or 4 times out of the week. And I don’t just mean a cocktail or two. I mean he will polish off an entire bottle of Whiskey in one night. At least for now he hasn’t gotten belligerent but I feel like it’s just a matter of time. Right now he just gets drunk, sappy, and then passes out on the couch. It’s more annoying than anything. I guess it’s really hard for me to have that kind of person living with us. I have memories of my dad being a drunk, and I remember how drunk and abusive he was the night my mom finally kicked him out of the house. So for 21 years I have not had to be around any alcoholics, and I have not had to put up with their drama. I feel very selfish in the fact I don’t want to HAVE to. I can’t tell my mom that though, she just says "It’s my brother Hanna. I am not kicking him out."
    To top it off, he’s very dominating and wants things HIS way. He hasn’t figured out that it has been my mom and I for a long time now, and we are set in OUR ways, and I sure am not changing things just because he thinks that’s how it should be. For example:  Christmas, for the past I don’t even know how many years, has been spent with myself, my mother, and our friend David. (Who if you’ve read my diary know is more like a father than I have ever had.) Granted, David often stays out his welcome when he is with us, and he has habits that annoy my mother and I. (Like he is lazy, incredibly lazy….) But, he is ALWAYS there when we need him. Which has been pretty frequently lately. He has always made sure our Christmas’ were special and that we got whatever we wanted. Well, here comes Big Bad Uncle and he doesn’t want David there for X-mas. So what does my mom say? Okay!   And when I express my displeasure my uncle gets all pissy saying he will just go somewhere else on X-mas because he doesn’t want to be there if David is there and blah blah blah.  Well Fuckin’-A.
    He says its because for the past 4 Christmases he hasn’t been without family (not our fault, he has always, ALWAYS, been invited. HE chose not to come) and now he wants it just the three of us? Well I guess I will just bow to his command and go break David’s heart. I got into a huge fight with my mother yesterday about it. For the first time I walked away from her, I wouldn’t even let her hug me. I was pretty upset about it. I told her if she was going to give into his pouting and let him be an Ass about Christmas, then I would just invite David myself and we’d celebrate X-mas on our own. But that I was NOT going to tell David he cannot spend X-mas with us. It wasn’t going to happen. I am not even opposed to her idea of just celebrating with David on another day, its the principle you know? That my uncle gets his way because he throws a tantrum? Then makes comments like when we get a bigger house, its HIS house and he doesn’t want David to come over. Sigh.
    I hate DRAMA. It has never been a part of my life really. Except for small circumstances throughout the years…but constant drama? I feel so stressed out and desperate to get away. The feeling is so strong, and I can’t even move, where the hell am I going to go? I guess back to California, to live with my God-mother. That’s the only home that has room for me. But she’s crazy too. Depression problems. Jesus, what kind of people do I know? Is anyone normal?
    I can’t even talk to Frank about this stuff. He has the winter blues or something, and an infatuation with his fucking PS3. He’s so lucky I am not there, I’d throw the damn thing out the window. I try to vent to him, but he goes quiet..silent..for hours…with no reply…because he has stopped paying attention and is playing Modern Warfare 3 or something. I don’t know. I am pretty tired of it. I feel so alone. My best friend is just married and lives two states away, and I don’t want to bother her with my sorrows. My mom is just going to defend my uncle and try to play peace-maker. Frank is too busy…and I feel like it’s just me.
    I don’t even have any money to get away for the week off of work that I have after Christmas. I have half a mind to just pick up and move, and struggle, and figure it all out as I go. I was miserable with my situation before, but it has gotten so much worse. I feel like I have no alone time. I shut my bedroom door and there’s always someone knocking on it wondering why I don’t come out and talk or something. 
    I feel at a loss….I am not sure how to handle the situation. I just want to step out of my life and into another one. Who doesn’t though…sigh

To top it off…I’m late.