It’s a whole new world….A brand new place…

So I just finished my ritual of two cups of coffee on my back porch and am feeling WIDE awake. Despite it being the temperature of the sun outside. However, after this entry a shower is a must. I kind of like it though, the heat. It reminds me of the sweat lodges my aunt goes to…not that I do any of the rituals but I feel like I sweat all my impurities out and come back into the apartment rejuvenated and ready to start my day.

ANYWAY.

I have recently planned a trip to upstate Michigan in September to visit my brother (and other family on my father’s side I’ve yet to develop any kind of relationship with.) I am pretty nervous and excited at the same time. For so many years the extent of my knowledge of family on my paternal side never went past Billy or my father (and his twin). Meanwhile Billy has grown up around our entire family and knows all our cousins and aunts and uncles…before I never cared about knowing them, and I assume they never cared about knowing me. But suddenly I have this urge to discover this other part of me, of where I come from. Whether I like these people or not, and whether they accept me or not. Maybe it’s my age, (I am actually maturing you know) that brings me to the realization that not everyone in that part of my heritage is my father and it is a possibility to have a healthy relationship with the family. And maybe some part of it is my way of staying connected to my father. I have a good feeling about this trip, like it may be some kind of path of self discovery. Who knows?

Not that the entire trip will be devoted to family. I do have plans to meet an OD friend while I am up in that area. 😉 Although only if they keep their promise of not kidnapping me, chaining me up in their basement, then sawing me into pieces and scattering me around the upper peninsula. That’s the deal breaker!

My friend and I were talking the other day and she keeps saying how she has noticed this change in me the past few months. A good change. That I seem so much happier and free. Apparently she has either shared this view with our mutual friends or they have noticed it too. I didn’t realize I appeared so weighted down and lost before. She’s right of course. I notice the changes and I have dug myself out of whatever giant hole I had been buried in for so many years now…and I am definitely on the path to bettering myself FOR myself. I think more positively, I smile more and laugh more. And now that I am not so wrapped up in a guy who lived a million miles away I am able to socialize and develop more in depth friendships with people who are right here. Not that I was really antisocial BEFORE but I definitely was too preoccupied with one person to really step outside my bubble.

There is a whole other world out there. =) But I guess I have said all this before.

Anyway my kitchen light burned out, I have light bulbs but no step stool to reach it….so I must shower and go buy one. Cooking by candle light might be romantic in the right setting… but….it’s not very practical.

1 Month, 2 weeks and 1 day until my vacation. NOT that I am keeping track…..or anything….