It started on a dark and stormy night….

(by me)

 So, it looks like I am out of the woods. I have been horribly sick for the past week  and today has been the first day I have felt somewhat human. I don’t know how much that is really saying though..HA! It’s a wonderfully rainy night on day #9 of work and I am eagerly waiting for 11:00pm to approach so I can clock out and not come back until Saturday night. Tomorrow is my day off and I have this feeling that after I clean the apartment I will spend the rest of the afternoon and evening on the couch watching Netflix! The good news is I did go to the doctor and when they weighed me in I had lost like 25lbs since the last time I was there. Go me! Who knew depression was good for the figure? Anyway they put me on a mass amount of antibiotics and I have this horrible sounding cough (the medicine did not cause the cough btw.) 
 
Right before I got sick I had received my income taxes and after paying off some bills I decided to REALLY splurge and got myself a new TV and a Wii. Both are absolutely beautiful! I haven’t gotten to play the Wii much though because I got so sick, but it is with that that I discovered Netflix and have been on movie overload when I am not working. I don’t know why they say that shopping does not soothe the soul, let me tell you..those people who say that, have never needed soothing! It felt wonderful to buy myself something SO extravagant for once. I never buy me new anything anytime….I think part of me wanted that TV because while my uncle was living with us he set up his flat screen TV but he controlled the damn remote (even though the cable was mine and in my name..I should have pulled the damn box!) and then he ended up having to sell it because he ran out of money and couldn’t fund his drinking problem..so now it’s like…”in your face!”  I want to take a picture of my beautiful 42” and send it to him..hehe…man I still cannot express how glad I am that he’s gone…..sigh…
 
I finally got the dates for my brother’s visit. Looks like he will be here on the 18th of March. He still will not let me tell my mom about his visit and she is questioning WHY I am asking her to take days off work following Billy’s arrival. I told her I just need to get away and thought we could go out of town for a few days. She seemed to accept that excuse and said she’d see what she could do. Our aunt is dropping him off on her way to FL and I will have to drive about 6 hours to go pick him up since the highway she is taking doesn’t come through this way…sigh…It seems a little silly for me to drive all that way to pick him up but it wouldn’t make sense for her to drive 6 hours or more out of her way just to bring him here. Oh well, it’s a day trip! 
 
Since I have been so occupied being sick I haven’t really had time to nurse my broken heart. I am sure the days didn’t go by without me thinking about Frank but I can’t pinpoint any moment where he was heavy on my mind. Today was the first day I even talked about him and that’s because my mom happened to be looking around the room and saw our pictures on the mantle and asked me what and if I had planned to do about Frank…if I had reached any conclusions.  “I just don’t want you to wait around the rest of your life Hanna. I want you to be happy and to be a mother someday.” ….”I want that too mom.”  It’s not that I am waiting….but it’s not like I have totally given up either…and that’s probably why I haven’t brought myself to mail the letter yet. Last night I had a dream where I was falling for some stranger, and at one point we embraced and I clung to him for dear life. It felt so good to be wanted and just held…nothing more. The dream was fleeting and I woke up in the middle of our embrace. Darn. =(