Explanations

I think going to Faves only was the right thing to do.  It allows people I want to read my stuff and I know they aren’t judging me or thinking poor of me, they are just reading and offering support or advice when I need it.  I think people who depend on OD as I do look for the same thing so they treat other OD’ers as they would want to be treated ya know? It makes sense. We don’t just want ANYONE reading our personal, deepest thoughts, because a normal every day person just wouldn’t get it, and they wouldn’t read between the lines.

As for the stress; its everything. Its work, and Rachel and this state, and the college and the constant demand I am under to pay bills, get assignments turned in on time, to work on time, every day. Coming up with the money to pay things that need to be paid and the unsatisfaction with how I percieve myself. The fact I just need to lose 20 pounds or something and I just cant seem to do it.  Its the lonliness I feel from having failed friendships and I have absolutely no one to spend time with, or hang with, to temporarily take me away from all the stresses in my life.  Its probably also how hard it is to be away from Frank for so long and not being able to hold, or talk to him, or hear his voice whenever I want. To kiss him, or fall asleep next to him. That is so unbelievably hard to live with, being so far away I mean. And not being able to feel safe in his arms when I need him here the most is stressful too.

I know some people have it worse in their life. That things are more horrible for them. I should feel lucky my problems are minimal. But at the same time they still bother me ya know?  Adulthood is getting to me, haha. I wish I had something good to talk about in here lately. It has all been so dark, and moody and depressing. I promise as soon as something great happens I am SO writing it down, lol. 

Tonight I get to train the owner’s son on the HSS system, so this should be interesting. He’s smart though, so I think he will catch on fast, so I am thinking about taking a book coz I might get bored, lol.  I must say, ever since Frank installed the router and we now have the ability to go wireless in this house, I LOVE writing in OD from bed, haha. Don’t have to get out of bed to share my thoughts!! 

However I guess right now I should get out of it and take a shower, can’t be a total bum on my spring break right? Ah, I crack me up.  Ok, so this is me getting my butt out of bed and into the shower, lol.