Don’t Let Old Times Be Forgot….

         Well, 2012 is here and I am looking forward to what this year brings. Although, last year was good for me. I had been waiting for so long for a year that brought changes and true happiness. Contentment. I found that in 2011. Once I moved past being completely devastated over a man who kept me in a dark room for far too many years, I discovered that I had been missing so many things in my life, and for myself. It’s so hard to imagine ever allowing myself to get lost in a person so completely that I denied myself any kind of identity. Last year though, some one walked into whatever room I had been locked in and turned on all the lights. I saw myself being unhappy with my status, with my looks, and saw how lost I had been. And I deserved more than that for myself. It’s true what they say though, you have to want the changes, and  you have to make things happen for yourself. 
  
   So I moved out on my own, dropped nearly 90 pounds, made new friends, built confidence, forced myself to think more positively, and changed my work ethics (that lead to that small promotion and possibly a larger one here soon). While all of it sounds like it has been hard work, it really hasn’t. For the most part it’s been surprisingly easy once I got passed the hill I thought I’d never reach the top of. 

  I threw away the last reminients of things tying me to Frank. There was no sadness or anger, just the little bit of weight he still held on me being lifted. He was a different time and place in my life, a chapter I long ago read and there have been so many since. It felt good, it felt free. I have decided that it isn’t fair to make the next guy pay for his lies by mistrusting them, and that I am ready to open myself up to the
possibility of someone else sharing my heart. Maybe 2012 brings that, maybe it doesn’t, and that’s okay too. I’m willing to hold out for someone who can live without me but doesn’t want to. Someone who isn’t ashamed to share me in their world. Maybe that’s fairytale talk, or chick flick dreams, but I don’t care. I won’t settle for less. 

   B has been a big help in re-establishing the "New" Hanna. She pushed and encouraged me to want better for myself, she really has been the biggest boost in my self confidence. Our friendship is a two-way street and it feels good to have a confedaunt finally who works just as hard to make our friendship a solid foundation. I really don’t know if I would be where I am mentally and emotionally without her. Maybe it’s all coincidence, but it seems like everything started changing for me once she entered my life. It’s amazing how certain people enter and exit our lives and we often reflect back on their purpose. If 20 years from now we’re not talking and have grown apart, I’ll know her purpose and be forever grateful. She came when I needed her most. 

 I am not making any New Years resolutions this year. I think that the path I am on right now is good enough and I want to see where it leads. I may not know what the future holds for me (just like when I was with Frank) but at least I feel safe enough in knowing there WILL be a future of some kind, and my God…what a breath of fresh air that is. 
  
Bye bye 2011. Hello 2012!!!!!!!!!