Broccoli And Cheese Soup, mmmm

I am at work AGAIN. Surprise surprise. I am really craving cheese broccoli soup and no one has any and the places that do don’t deliver, grr.  I am really starting to stress out too. I have an 8 page paper due on the 15th for my persuasion class, and an 8 page paper due on the 29’th for my philosophy class. I am working on one at a time, I know I should be working on them both, but they’re both really indepth, hard papers. I am so confused and I feel like I keep repeating myself in my paragraphs. I figured I’d write two pages tonight and have my bf edit them tomorrow and then do a few more pages tomorrow. I have all my research material and I have this feeling I looked up the wrong information. I am so paranoid about it. At this point I just want this semester over with so I ca n breath. All my classes have had big projects like one right after the other and I feel like I am lagging but I know I am busting my butt to get it all done and make the grade. I am starting to lose a little hope.

On the bright side I finally got the loan I needed. They are mailing me the check on Monday so at least money isn’t something I have to worry about for a while. Thats a first, especially with Christmas coming up!  I can finally pay off the credit card I used to pay for the semester charges. Although I did get frequen flyer miles through American Airlines with it, haha. Workin up those miles so I can take a long trip outa this hell. Yup Yup.

I have also been cleaning out my closet. Yes, take that literally. I threw out the filing cabinet of junk and organized all my bill folders, threw out a bunch of clothes I wore and hated. I reorganized it all this week. I have like three trash bags of junk to throw out! my room is still kind of in shambles because I am getting rid of clutter but I feel good about it already! Coz I know its all goin in the trash or on its way to goodwill! I am also going to buy a new mattress! woohoo! I have had the same one (and box springs) since I was like 10 or 11. I am tired of falling into the middle of the mattress and getting cozy with the springs in places they shouldn’t be…haha. Me and Frank should have fun breakin’ that puppy in *evil grin*.

I am very happy with the items I have purchased from Victoria’s Secret. It feels really nice to wear quality clothes, clothes I feel like a prettier, sexier me in. Funny how material objects can do that. But I feel good in them. I really want to start being happy with who I am. And I know that has to start with me. And I am slowly making changes to make that happen. Frank does a great job of making me feel like a really special job, but I wont believe it fully until I make myself feel that way about myself. He has done a good job kickstarting me in that direction though. I will have to remember to thank him for that one of these days.

Yesterday I was training a new girl, and she found it funny I met my bf online, and how we’re so far away. She’s positive he can’t be being faithful to me. Which is odd, because never for a second have I thought about him cheating. But she kept insisting. I don’t think he has though. Why waste his time making a girl in Missouri happy when he could be getting it on with some one right there with him? He obviously cares about me. We’re very mature about our relationship.  I am sure he’s had little crushes on girls and imagined things. But I am not innocent in that department either. You should have seen the cuban guy in here yesterday, *wink wink* haha. But it all boils down to us, and our security with eachother. And we totally have it. Plus I have to be able to trust him right? I don’t want to be one of those crazy over jealous girlfriend who nags their bf all the time and drives them into the bed of another woman! No. I have to trust him because he has to trust me. I think the relationship is doomed if you dont trust one another. And trust isn’t an instantanious thing either. You have to EARN it. You have to almost prove yourself.  We have had four years of proving how well we can trust eachother. I think the same applies to love as well. But thats a whole other diary entry. But it does all boil down to growing up, and together to make something meaningful work.