As long as I know how to live, I’ll survive.

Ok OD, I may have been working insane hours this week, and am currently immensly exhausted but I have neglected you. So I am going to plant my bottom in this computer chair and give you some quality time.

The visit with my brother went FANTASTIC. My mom was wonderfully surprised and she just fell in love with Billy as if he were her own son. It’s amazing how over 20 years can pass and you can so easily fall  back into familiarity with a person. I hadn’t seen Billy since my dad’s passing in 2004 but somehow we have that great connection where time doesn’t even matter. We always pick right up where we left off. We were very close as babies and children, and then again when I saw him when I was 15..and 19… We almost have that "twin-like" connection where we can feel each-other, and know what the other is thinking. We don’t even try, or force it…it just happens and then we end up laughing at the conicidences. Our father’s were identical twins though, and they had that closeness with each-other. Besides our being related we also share something most people …siblings..do not. The fact that both our father’s committed suicide. Despite how he was raised though, he has this very loving and childlike quality about him. He masks it with his tough guy image, but it’s there. I don’t even really care about knowing the rest of that side of my family. He is all that I want to take from that lineage.

We had a great time though. I took him sight seeing  and into Saint Louis. He has always wanted to see the Arch and go to the top so I took him there. And he was absolutely in awe of the fact that the home of his (as was our father’s) FAVORITE beer is located in STL. (Budweiser, YUCK!) The tour of the brewery is free AND you get a couple free drinks at the end. He must have taken like 200 pictures during that tour, haha. I think it was the highlight of his entire trip! I was sad to see him go this past Monday but the time spent with him has left me happy and refreshed. And finally realizing that there is more love in my life, and more TO love in my life than Frank. The people that matter, the people I matter to…are still here. =)

He wanted to know what happened with Frank but no way was I going to tell him. He’s FARRRRRRRRR too protective and would probably do something I’d regret once I found out. I told him it was a hard but mutual decison but I don’t think he bought it. Oh well..

I think I am entering the "angry" stage though. And with that stage comes this weird sense of euphoria. I feel…energized. I mean I don’t know how much that has to do with ME or the fact I have consumed 40 oz. of Redbull in the past 48 hours….but either way? I finally feel like I am doing alright. Billy was a great distraction. Days went by that I forgot my heart was broken…so with my "angry" I feel freer. Funny how grief works in stages like that huh?

Tuesday I am going to visit my God-babies. They have been calling and asking for their "Nima"  (couldn’t pronounce Nina but could pronounce Nemo…so they combined it? too cute to change now..lol) I still have all their Xmas presents to give and candy…their parents are going to regret asking me to come down, haha. But I miss them too. Their love is so innocent and pure, and the view of the world is big and small at the same time. Not that I am exactly ready to be a mom right this minute, I definitely can see the plus side to having children. They really give you something to keep you getting out of bed every morning. (Literally…like..6am..lol )

It will be good to have some girl time with their mom though. Her husband was just deployed again and I know she could use a hand with the babies and a friend.

Aaaaaand…I was impulsive Thursday and got my third tattoo. =/   It’s actually a bit sore, which I am not used to, but I am sure it’s just the location.

Anyway, it’s the first beautiful day I’ve had in weeks and I want to go soak up some vitaman D. I’m going to go sit on my swing outside and get updated on all my bookmarks on here. =) I didn’t forget any of you in my haste to update my diary. Promise. =)