A Good Cry

    I hope everyone is having a good week. Mine has sucked, ha ha. Ever since my trip to Prague has been finalized, everything that could go wrong HAS gone wrong. But inspite of everything I have tried to keep a positive outlook, and still try to not let it get me down. However now, I am bedridden..well, couch ridden for the moment. But I will explain that in a minute.

    We called the doctors office this morning to see if they would accept credit cards. I have no insurance, and since my Christmas shopping, all I have in my bank account is 30 dollars. The lady said no, all they accept is cash or checks. GREAT, where does Hanna come up with a 150 bucks in cash or check??? I couldn’t even take it off my credit card because I have prevented myself from getting pin numbers for them because it would be too easy to just get cash from them all the time. Plus the finance fees are outrageous. So already this morning before my appointment I was upset, trying to figure out what I was going to do. My mom said she’d write a check and we’d figure out how I could replace the money.

    The doctors visit went okay. I was a little weirded out about having a male doctor down in that area. Especially me only being able to hide behind a paper bib. But it was bound to happen sooner or later.  The way my cervix …well the opening I mean, wasn’t able to be seen by the colscopy. He said the tissue he needed to see was farther up inside or something. So he took two kinds of samples (which was definately a weird feeling of pressure, tearing and a feeling of nerves being pinched.)  He said I should call next week to get my results. If it turns up the tissue samples from inside my cervix has dysplasia, then he will have to freeze the area and that should get it. Or he’ll have to remove the section with a hot wire??? That doesn’t sound comfortable.  But he doesn’t think I have it. He thinks my pap just got labled because I wasn’t in the "normal" category. He said so much, it’s hard to remember the terminology he used exactly. But basically he doesn’t want me to worry. He says that you can’t get "for sure" results from a pap, but you can get extremely accurate results from the actual skin tissue. He says if nothing turns up, then he’ll monitor me for a while, give a few more pap tests, and if it still turns up with nothing then I am probably okay.

    After the appointment mom and I had lunch, discouraged about the money aspect, but optimistic about the doctors visit none the less. Then we decided to hit a couple of stores and pick up a few last minute presents. On the way into one of the stores, mom was getting out of the car, I was on the curb and went to step down. And in the process of stepping down and begining to walk forward, I started to step over one of those, parking cement things? And my foot either got stuck between the side walk and the parking blocks, or I slipped of the parking block, I am not sure. But my ankle twisted and I fell down in between my car and the car parked next to mine. I wasn’t so much embarressed as I was very upset and shakey. It took me a minute to get up because I was so startled and shaky, and my ankle hurt, I skinned my hand and my knee, and I think I just lost it. I just started crying from sheer frustration at everything going on. I just couldn’t handle be strong anymore.  All I want is money to have for my trip but so much keeps coming up and now I have hardly any for my trip. And then with this possible medical condition, and now with my ankle….

    I sat down for a while in my car, just to get my bearings together, calmed down, and told my mom I could walk on it. If it started to hurt, I’d go sit down until she was done. She was leary but I was insistant. We finally got home, I took my shoe off and my ankle looks like it is pregnant with quintuplets. It’s not a pretty picture. My knee is skinned, my palm is skinned. My ankle only hurts when I am sitting still. I have it propped up, with some ice and an ace bandage. I am just begging that it isn’t fractured or something. I felt it twist on the way down, and when I felt it twist I tried to turn it the other way, but I don’t know how successful I was. It’s bruised and I am sure as time passes the coloring will only get nastier. We’ll see. I am not sure how I am going to walk around the hilly campus to take my last final, nor stand up for 8 hours at work checking people in. So it should be interesting. I can’t call in sick to work, I definately need the money, and I don’t know that my statistics teacher will let me take the final when I return from X-mas break or something since grades have to be turned in by Monday. I don’t know, I am going to e-mail him after this and just tell him my situation.  Sigh…..

     So Frank is at a Christmas party for the film department, he should be back in NYC by the middle of next week. So he’ll be home long enough to say hi to his family before we leave for Europe. Ha, providing I make it that far, lol.  Anyway, with him not around tonight, mom went to Bingo, I am home alone and there ain’t nuttin on tv, lol. So before mom left I had her bring me a book I am currently reading, my cookies and a glass of tea. I have my laptop and the remote. My kitty is laying next to me on the back of the couch. She’s conked out, but it’s a comfort having her laying with me anyway. =) Maybe I will get lucky and some one will get online and keep me company….Although I did take some motrin to help with the swelling, and since I don’t take medicine/pain relievers very often, they knock me out, lol. So maybe I’ll just sleep…..

       Happy Hump (Wednesday) Day…..