Abandon Even the Raft

I keep doing it, and I fall into the trap every time, but, truthfully, I hate long goodbyes. They’re nothing more than wasted life.

I very nearly decided to move back to Georgia on a whim today. My friend Summer sent me a link for a job down there. Tempting. I guess I’ve decided against it for now. It made me start thinking about the future, though. I know the plan, know what I need to do. I need to be applying to some PhD programs. I’ve just been living for months (probably since December) like I’m convinced that 2012 isn’t even going to get here. Like I’m going to get hit by a bus, fall into a gaping hole in the ground, or get smashed by space shuttle debris before then. So, why bother worrying about it? …Yeah, I think it’s going to get here, and it’s going to drag me with it, after all. Time to crack those knuckles and set a plan in motion.

So, I started with sleep. And after I woke up from my much-needed nap, I realized that I genuinely wanted absolutely nothing. Maybe some Chinese food, a good beer or two, a beach, some decent conversation, and more sleep. I thought, at first, that I was shutting down, shutting off, but then I realized I was just simplifying. And that’s a good thing.

The word “cerebral” keeps sneaking into my conversations lately (but when topics of conversation at work frequently include things like Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse, that’s kind of bound to happen). Living inside your head always presents a fun challenge, I guess, but I’m pushing it all out. It needs to get the fuck out.

A heartfelt thanks to those who helped, even if you think you didn’t do anything. If you know me and are reading this, you probably did somehow (trust me, if nothing else, you and I have had excellent conversations in the confines of my head). And we don’t always get a choice in these things, but it doesn’t mean we would have chosen any differently if we had the chance. I wouldn’t have.

Now, about that Chinese food…