so much on my mind
I can’t sleep. Ugh!
I keep thinking about going back to school and how it is going to be happening very, very soon. I’m scared. I’m scared of failure and dropping out(again). I’m scared I am not smart enough to do what I want to do. I’m scared that I am going to let everyone down(again).
I have been thinking a lot about it and I think I will only be taking 6-8 credit hours this semester. I can’t overwhelm myself even though I would rather just bog myself down and get it all DONE and over. But I can’t do that because I will be setting myself up for failure. I think that if I take my AC/DC Fundamentals(if I can) and take one of the necessary english courses online I will be able to handle everything OK. Work is going to suck on Thursday and Friday nights due to little sleep but it’s only for a few months. I need to do this for myself. I need to prove it to myself that I CAN DO IT.
It really all is just in my head. Just think positive, right? I have a great support group of friends and co-workers which is what I am going to be needing. They want me to succeed. I want to succeed! I want to be proud of myself for once, and not ashamed when I have to tell someone that I don’t have a college degree because I just couldn’t committ. Stupidity has gotten the better of me for the past few years and I am bound and determined to NOT let it take hold of me again.
After this first term things will be easier I think. In the past I have jumped in head first and I think I need to spend my time testing the water before I am fully submerged. Once again – that was stupidity getting the better of me. I am in a much more stable environment at this point in my life, I have a good job with set hours and a good income. I won’t have the same worries I had in the past. I am setting myself up for success this time!
Okay now that some of that is out of my head…I am going to go try to get some more sleep. Back to work tonight for a short week! WOO-HOO!
it sucks that you can’t just do school (and not work) right now…that would help soooo much!
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i think you dont need to look at dropping out as a failure, because really, it was just you pursuing different opportunities at the time. and there is nothing wrong with that… also, bill gates doesnt have a college degree and i’m sure no one is calling him a failure… so where is all that positive thinking? you gotta put a spin on the decisions that you made in the past! 😀
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What are you going to school for?
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School isn’t easy, especially when you have work to deal with too. But I have faith in you!! You’re one smart and tough cookie. And hell, if I can pull it off, you can definately pull it off too. 🙂 *hugs!* Think positive! You can do it!! And dropping out previously isn’t considered a failure. I mean, if you were still in school, would you have moved to be with Matt? 🙂
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i think it’s ridiculous how we are expected to go to school to study what we want to do for the REST OF OUR LIVES when we are changing and growing so much in our twenties! my brother goes through the same thoughts and emotions all the time. just gotta keep believin’ — if you fake it, you can make it 🙂
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you’ll be fine.. look at me, i took off so many years and failed so many times, but you get to a point where you realize that ur too old for this shiz.. and then you just do it!! merry christmas!
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I think you can do it, mostly because you are so afraid of failure. that’s how I was when financial aid said one more crappy semester and they’ll take everything away…fear is a great motivating tool. besides, I think you’re super intelligent and you’ll definitely do well. btw: I got your christmas card, it is great! thanks! 🙂 maybe this summer I can road trip!
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I like the way Tammy said it – you were pursuing other opportunities. Honestly, 18 is so ridiculously young to be going to college – you have so much more perspective and experience to draw from now. Not to mention, you’ll appreciate the classes you take so much more and find more nuance to them than some green kid fresh from HS. It’s hard to go to school and work full time, but you CAN do it.And if it doesn’t work out, it’s not because you’re a failure AT ALL. It’s because now isn’t the time and a better time will present itself.
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You CAN and WILL do it! It might be hard at first, but taking things nice and easy will benefit. You’ll have time to get used to being a student, you’ll be able to figure out how to balance school and work and life. It’ll be an adjustment, but you’ll be just fine. I believe in you. 🙂 Ashley
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You don’t need to doubt yourself. You will do fantastic in school because you are smart and because you can. Don’t worry about letting other people down. I worry about that too much but I’ve realized that you know what, it’s okay if you don’t pass. The world doesn’t stop. It doesn’t mean that you’re dumb. You can do it. I think it’s a great idea that you’re only going to take a couple of classes.
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I have faith in ya! I think its a great Idea to start off slow. Overwhelmin yourself will just be stressful. I know you can do it. Maybe before you just werent ready for all that. dont worry about the past!
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