Letting go and moving on.

Well.  I guess that this is really it for this place.

I’ve been at OD for about 14 years now, started writing in 2000 after linking to the website through bored.com.  I sometimes go back and read REALLY OLD entries and laugh at myself.  How it seems like a stranger must have written those words yet I am able to remember those feelings in those moments when those words were typed.

I suppose not every relationship you get into when you’re 18 is meant to last a lifetime.  Too much growing up, too many changes.  But you always hope for the exception to that rule, to have found a bond with something that would be able to last forever.  A tad cheesy but it’s how I feel about this website.  I haven’t been writing here lately because of the hit or miss with the servers and now most of my favorites are over at Prosebox anyway…  It still doesn’t feel like home over there.  I feel the need to take screen shots of a blank entry page just so that I will always a reminder of what it looked like before I let the world(or rather a select part of the world) know what I was thinking.  I don’t think you can really forget something that is burned into your memory but you never know.

In the last part of my 29th year and once into my 30s I had to let go and move on from a lot of big things in my life.  I ended a very long and not entirely unhappy relationship with Matt.  I met Other Pete and fell in love in such a way that I didn’t think was real or true save for stories and movies.  I had my heart broken to the point that I wasn’t sure it would ever heal again.  I experienced a kind of love and heartbreak that has left me someone else; whenever I think of Other Pete the words ‘I will never be the same’ always come to my mind.  I lived by myself in Apartment A for Amelia for an entire year and finally figured myself out.  It was hard for me to decide to move out despite how much easier it is financially living with someone else again, though admittedly I don’t mind so much.  I guess it’s time to let go and move on from a website where I have made so many friends.  I have even met some of you for reals!  I know that you are REAL!  And that you EXIST!  It’s absolutely mind boggling to me at times, haha.

I feel like I have more to say but I can’t find the words just yet.  Maybe I will.