So many things make sense now… ADHD???

I never knew why some dumb shit really affected me. I can recall on one occasion where I had become obsessed with collecting Rae Dunn and I remember my first purchase, it was a bunch of cereal bowls. I came home super excited and wanted to set them up, but instead i just put them away. about half an hour later, my husband took out ice cream and used the newly purchased bowls to give to the kids. I was very upset, I wanted to cry, i didn’t understand why he had grabbed the new bowls when we had a ton of other ones that he could have used. When i expressed my feelings, he got very upset at me and said i was exaggerating and told me to keep my bowls and dumped the ice cream onto other containers to give the kids. I became more upset. But i didn’t understand then, what i understand now.

I had never thought about it or even considered anything was wrong with me, however, a couple of months ago my brother was talking to me about a situation i had become involved in and that’s when he mentioned that he thought i had ADHD. I took it upon myself to research and find out what it was, and so I did and as I sat there answering the questions being asked i kept nodding my head, yes that’s me, yes that’s me.

So much makes sense now. how sensitive i can be with situations. for example the one right now. I feel like history repeats. it really hurts me when i loose a friend, because i’ve never had many friends, and ADHD explains it. I stopped talking to Cinthya because she was having fun and i was home with Ryan and it hurt me that she didn’t care about me (that’s how i felt at that moment). Same thing with Chaoxia and Frank. They had a different life and we became apart but i should have seen it like this is life and that happens, instead i felt abandoned and ignored. I had online friends whom after a few years we got into disagreements and said things that hurt me. Like Monica, she was very mean in her message to me and i was very hurt because she knew how much i was working and planning my trip to mexico and how she never reached out when i arrived and how we didn’t get to celebrate her birthday or spend time together or most importantly meet each other. I cried several times, reading her message. now i don’t but i did then.

By far the worst feeling was when Willy(my brother in law) stopped talking to me, we were so closed and it was all done in a blink of an eye. I don’t want to get into details about that particular case, but willy was very real and a good friend. He listened to me, he understood me when i felt misunderstood. he was important in my life and in my growth to mature. i lost him as a friend for misunderstandings with George (my husband). he didn’t speak to me for 3 years. I cried several times because he would not respond. he just ignored me.

Today i find myself in the same situation. I lost another friendship, Carlos (my brother in law) we got along very well and i helped him a lot, he is the youngest brother of them and he went through rough things. But this week, its all done and gone. i’ve been wanting to cry for days and i can’t because i don’t want to be questioned by George why i’m crying over loosing him as a friend, he just doesn’t understand how I feel, and how i feel right now is betrayed, i feel used and idk just taken advantage of. He said some things to my sister’s wife and it really hurt me. it didn’t’ matter how much i helped him, it didn’t matter how much i was there for him, when i needed him to be there for me he wasn’t. and it hurts. i can’t be the same, we work together and its complicated, I can’t quit cause its my business but i can’t fire him because everyone needs to agree to the decision and at the end of the day it’s family. i wish right now i could just lay down and cry and let it out. but i can’t not without someone possibly seeing me or hearing me. its so complicated. i have no one and George doesn’t understand. he has been more helpful around the house and kids now that i’m working but i’m not happy and i don’t know why. I’m so overwhelmed and i just need to let it out. i have no time to myself, George doesn’t believe in that, he wants us to be together all the time, but i do need my alone time and he doesn’t get it.

I started eating again. i’m probably gaining weight because of all of this. Things have been all over the place and i’m becoming a mess. i feel like little things overwhelm me. things that shouldn’t but they do……

i hope things get better.