The Fact of the Matter Is

Attention US State Department: We have people trapped in Lebanon who need to get out. The Italian, Spanish and British governments have already evacuated their citizens, so what the fuck is your problem? How is it possible that the United States of America can launch a space shuttle into orbit, send ton after ton of food aid to Africa, invent a pill to produce four-hour erections, but can’t manage to fly a helicopter into Beirut? 
 
Has anyone else noticed that political pundits on television seem obsessed with the phrase “the fact of the matter is”? “The fact of the matter is we must have a date certain for withdrawal from Iraq.” “The fact of the matter is Democrats want to cut and run.” “The fact of the matter is Republicans want to starve children, sterilize Liberals, and wiretap phone sex lines.” Political discourse in this country has been reduced to sound bytes and slogans. My kingdom for a fresh idea! My problem with “the fact of the matter is,” is it is usually followed by several supposed “facts,” which are seldom convincing and waste the precious viewing moments before yet another commercial. Just once I would love for Tim Russert to sound a buzzer and inform the “talking head” that the rules for Meet the Press require guests who say “The fact of the matter is” to confine themselves to the singular and not the plural. Actually, a better idea would be to fine anyone who uses that trite saying $100 per use. What a great way to reduce the deficit! Why not? Smoking is banned, eating red meat without a condom and SUV’s will soon be banned, so why not irritating clichés and phrases? The fact of the matter is I need to stop writing in this diary and go do something productive.