Here’s to Melancholy

I have not felt much like writing, even though I have about a half dozen topics I’d like to explore. I keep finding excuses to avoid sitting down at the computer – something needs to be cleaned, something’s interesting on the news, it’s too late…it’s always something.

I know what it is; anyone who regularly spends time apart from their spouse knows what it is. After a certain period of separation, you get depressed. Not lonely, you’re lonely from the minute you wave goodbye, but truly depressed where you feel like nothing is worth the effort. There is no point in getting up; there is no point in cleaning; there is no point in cooking – it’s only you and the child. But, there is a point, so you get up and you do. You go to work; you fix the showerhead that fills with grit and gets stopped up; you help with homework; you cook the meals. And, all the while you smile and pretend everything is great so that no one knows. It’s all routine; there is comfort in routine. It will pass – it always does.

Easter was nice. I realized that in spite of everything, my daughter and I have never missed an Easter together. Some families might have difficulty imagining this as being noteworthy. We have been together for a grand total of three July 4th’s. I even have missed her birthday once, Thanksgiving once, Halloween twice and Christmas once. But, in 13 years, we have spent every Easter together. We colored eggs in the same cups we always use. We saved the “weird” egg for last and tried to color it black by mixing all of the dyes together, just like we do every year even though we know it won’t work. We made rosemary crusted leg of lamb (we have a lot of leftovers), asparagus and rice krispies bird nests – just like always. We put out all the decorations. We colored one egg to look like my beloved; we drew little glasses on it and called it the “dad egg” and took it everywhere we went on Easter Sunday.

My daughter was beautiful in her blue satin oriental style dress. It was cold in the church – they had the fans on. So, she leaned in close to be warm. When I went to put my arm around her, I realized that she is bigger than me.

I promise I will cover the topics I want to explore soon. I have written them down. I feel more like writing already.