Bitter Sweet

Phone calls are always bitter sweet.

There is never enough time to say all you want to say; however, you can never think of everything while you are on the phone. So, there are these breaks of silence – even the silences are wonderful though because you know that for those moments that person is 100% focused on you. Then, when you hang up, everything you wanted to say comes to you in a rush of regret. Did I say, “I love you,” often enough so he knows it for sure? Does he understand how much I miss him? Was I upbeat enough so he doesn’t worry about stuff here? Was I too upbeat so he thinks we don’t miss him? What if something happens and that was our last call?

On the other hand, there is this joy, this happiness, this excitement that you can feel to your toes. He cares enough to take time to call. He said he loves me, and he misses me so much! He cannot wait to see me again. I want to dance. I want to sing (but, my daughter says definitely no singing – no one wants to hear me sing). He sounded good; he sounded happy. It makes me happy.

It is enough so I can make it until the next call.