July 22, 2003

7/23/03

I have been home in Japan for a day and a half. I know I should write something in here, but I dont exactly know what I want to say. I have been sitting in front of this blank screen for 30 minutes while my family sleeps the beauties of a mild case of jetlag. For the week I was back in the States, I kept thinking, I should write about this or that. But, now I draw a blank.

My mom passed away. She died at 0230, 15 July (the exact date and time her mother had passed away 19 years ago). Apparently, it was a quiet, peaceful death. I dont know how I feel about it. There are all the platitudes people mumble and comfort themselves with She is in a better place; She is finally at peace; It is an end to her suffering. I guess thats all true. I know it is somewhat of a relief for my dad. I wasnt all broken up about it. They say, though, that people gain a greater respect for the dead. This is true. As I reflected on her life, I came to some conclusions I never had while she was alive maybe Ill go into those someday.

I’m sorry you had to return to the States under those circumstances. That’s quite a coinicidence about the time and date! A life is a personal history, it has to be studied like history with all the contexts to understand it and it’s impossible to understand without the perspective of time and distance. My dad was lost when I was in my 20’s though the Alzheimer’s didn’t stop his (cont’d.)

(cont’d.) vital functions until I was 31 the man was lost long before then. I began to understand him and his life about 6 months before he died, it was a shame I couldn’t find out more about things that I now find interesting. I wrote two entries about him (one that continued, actually) in the early months of my journal, like you I found that my image of him had changed with the (cont’d.)

(cont’d.) perspective of time. I’m sorry for your loss, God bless you and may God rest her soul. Tom-

My condolences. (i never know what else to say)

I’m really sorry to hear that your mother passed away. My mother passed away 2 years ago and it was a difficult time for everyone. I suggest you take your time with your grief, go at your own pace and it’s fine if you’re not sure how you feel about things. I didn’t for a while and people thought that I was somewhat strange because I didn’t cry and carry on. Once again I’m very sorry.

Sorry to read that, Merry.. HUGS!

I miss your writing, I hope all is well. Tom-