Please give me the support my parents didn’t
A few years back one of my dad’s friends got super drunk at a party. He put his hand on my back and started rubbing circles on it. I was uncomfortable, but it was at my parents’ party and I didn’t want to make a scene. His hand started to drop lower and lower until it was rubbing the top of my butt. I then walked away from him to the other side of the room without saying anything. However, he did not drop the situation. He told me to come back and to give him a hug. I said no, and he would not stop motioning me over and trying to get me to come back. After a very uncomfortable situation he finally dropped it. I told my parents the next morning and I was met by them saying things like “he’s a really good guy” and “he would never touch you inappropriately”. Eventually I just dropped it. I have had a really hard time speaking up about this kind of thing since I was groped in 6th grade by a peer and the guidance counselor accused me of lying. Just recently my dad was making fun of me for hating his friend and I brought up what he did again. He screamed at me that I was full of shit and told me he didn’t believe me. My mother said I was remembering wrong, but I am not. I don’t care that he never touched me like that again. It is fucked up to grope the ass of a 15 year old girl. However, I’m more scarred by my parents reaction than I am by what he did. Maybe this isn’t fair, but I hate them for not listening to me.
A lot of people are cowards about this issue, rolls eyes. Too many of them accept the satanic rule: don’t tell or I’ll kill you.
The rule is “don’t tell” but the law is “report a crime”.
Sometimes, those who break the rule and tell get very severely punished (I don’t think you are or will become one of those).
Your parents are ill-equipped to handle the matter appropriately. They’re betraying you because they can’t figure out how to do the right thing.
It’s something you have to process largely on your own. And it’s the sort of thing that can take decades to work through. Your parents made a bad thing much worse because now you know you can’t rely on them. They’re not likely to change.
I don’t know how old you are but sometimes, with some things, you have to become your own parent. And your own best friend. Now you have to learn to be a defender, a protector and a heroine to yourself.
It’s a rotten-to-the-core issue. Don’t let it eat at you. A gazillion people have gone through the same, similar and worse things. It’s outrageously common, all of it. Every bit of it.
And this is sometimes just exactly what a diary is for: when the support you need doesn’t exist or is not yet discovered the diary is the priest of the forest, so to speak.
Yeah, you’re validated. Being offended by a wayward scumbag and then betrayed by your parents, plus other horrible things that happened, are all serious things that will remain with you forever.
Processing all of these things is hard work. And takes time. Just does.
My advice: definitely do not engage your parents on the matter ever again. You will be disappointed. And you will likely get hurt. You know where you stand with them. They’re incompetent and unwilling. Consider that to be a threat and a danger to your integrity. Keep the peace. Seek to have your needs met elsewhere, like you’re already doing.
You have my sympathy. Human beings are fucked up creatures.
I would also look into emancipation. And probably threaten to burn that guy’s house down.
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Wow. That’s really fucked up. I can second what the commenter below said. I’m sorry girl. 😔
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I’m sorry you’re not getting the support from your parents. That’s awful!
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It is fucked up and your parents should take your side. Always. This is different from being groped by a peer (and the counselor should have believed you). The adult has power that the peer doesn’t have. You have every right to feel as you do. I don’t have any great advice for you, but I would suggest that if such a thing happens again…no matter where or what situation…that you yell “STOP” or “DON’T TOUCH ME” as loudly as you can. Bring it out into the open as it’s happening. If you have a trusted adult (I don’t know how old you are) you can confide in, who will take your side, talk with them about your feelings.
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I hear you. My father was a pedophile and so nothing he did to me was wrong in their eyes. Once I tried telling my mother and she blew a hole in me shouting about what a liar I was. Avoid and report if you need to. Sexual advances are not good. I filed charges on an old geezer here in town who groped my butt at the gas station. UGH!!!
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I understand how you feel completely. I never experienced sexual abuse but my mother did sit by and watch my stepfather physically and mentally abuse me for years. She blamed me for it happening and still refuses to acknowledge that anything wrong ever happened. My advice is just not to let yourself get to a place where you find yourself blaming your parents for all of your adult problems. I did that in my twenties but now that I’m married to a wonderful man who understands me and loves me, I see that all that did back then was to make me a target for men who were looking to use someone who they could tell saw little in themselves. I also see now that my mom as a 60 something year old woman still blames everyone else for all of her problems and it is why she is still so miserable in her own life. Yes, you are perfectly justified in hating your parents for their denial, and I’m sorry that these things happened to you, but just remember you are worth more than how they treat you.
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Your parents are totally inappropriate in their reaction to this serious situation. He would have done worse had you not been so assertive with him, so you did a great job! It’s not okay to touch someone else without their permission, even in a nonsexual way (especially a minor). He needs to learn consent and boundaries.
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Aw. I’m sorry… what an arse! 🙁 *hugs*
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