Dear…

 

 Dear Doll,

 I love you so so so very much.  You are the light of my life.  I am not a fan of the attitude.  While I realize that you are five going on seventeen, your eye-rolling, heavy sighing and whatever’s make me want to strap you to the ceiling fan for a while.  Can we hold of the junior bitchy mode until you are a teenager?

Your Momma

Dear Jesse,

Yes honey, I understand that I am not your mother, but we were dealt these family positions so you are stuck with me.  I hate to be the disciplnarian.  i hate to be the one who has to make the rules.  I wanted to be the cool older sister that spoiled you wtih Six Flags and candy, but here we are.  Could you give me a break and understand that I am trying as hard as I can to take care of you and everyone else in this house?  I promise I’ll teach you how to play your death knight later.

Meme

Dear Brandy,

I love you so much.  Not many people can possibly understand me the way you do.  You are driving me nuts.  I have been pregnant.  I know what it feels like.  I’ve even and I know this is a shocker given birth.  I do know what mood swings are.  I know what hormones are.  I know what fear is.  When I try to tell you something and you aren’t sure about it, do me a favor and look it up.  Don’t use that sorry piece of shit douchebag of yours to answer questions.  Strangely enough,he’ll never be pregnant.  Go figure.  Oh and, aim your mood swings somewhere else.  When you ae being a bitch, you really are a BITCH.

Mandy

Dear Mom,

I can’t imagine how hard all of this is for you.  Your independance is a big part of life nd that was ripped away.  For that I am truly sorry.  i would trade places with you for a break any day.  I would glady take that burden to give you a break.  I would.  Ineed you to think of me as a human being.  I am not only an asswiper and lifter, I am your daughter.  I can take some of your lashing out at your situation, but fuck it gets old.  You can’t ask me to be your personal punching bag all the time.  I need us to be happy together.  I don’t want to be the one who hears only the negative all the time.  You have a husband.  For fuck’s sake, make him listen every once in a while.

Memelou

Dear Daddy,

I love you.  I am Daddy’s girl, but I don’t care that you are tired.  I am tired too.  I go to school and take care of the house.  I do your stinking laundry and I feed you.  Take that chip off your shouler and shove it up your ass for all I care, but fuck, go take car of yur wife.  If you can’t handle it, then pay someone else to do it so you can be just her husband.  Otherwise, get the fuck over it.  I haveto change her diapers, you can too.

Dear Joseph,

You are a sack of shit.  Please fall off the face of the earth.  Take that ugly thing you cheated onme with and married somewhere far away.  And that new nasty ass old thing you’re screwing (which also could you quit telling me about your "sexual prowess") don’t send me another picture of your dick.  I have no intention of ever sleeping with you again.  Or with you and some chick.  EVER.  PERIOD.  You think because you can last a whole five minutes now you are hot shit.  What the fuck ever.  You still have a tiny penis and you stink.  Go away.

The Happiest Ex Ever

Dear William,

I love you.  I do.  You are so different than that POS I was married too.  You actually like talking to me and think I am a person instead of a hole in the bed.  You are real cute that you want to be married and all, but I need a little break from it.  The thought of being tied to another man scares the hell out of me.  And I’ve already had another man prove that a piece of paper doesn’t mean a damn thing.  I am in love with you.  I am not going anywhere.  Give me a chance and I’ll come around to the idea, but not right now.  Let’s get me through school first.  M’kay?

The Sex Goddess

Dear Head,

Shut the fuck up.  Really.  Right about now would be good.  Its after one.  Normal people are asleep at this point.  Thanks.

Me

Dear Beth,

Move to Texas and entertain me. 🙂

Mandy