3/24/08

Ok, umm.  I don’t want to be depressing, but nothing is going great right now.  That’s the main reason I haven’t been writing.

Spring Break was all work and no break.  We did get the rooms painted.  The house was scrubbed from top to bottom and now it looks the same as before.  Only with a few new painted walls.

Jesse had Spring Break last week.  He was completely horrible.  I am so at the end of my rope with him.  I don’t talk about him here because I am afriad y’all will think I am a bad parent and I’m not even the parent.  He hits and screams and punches and throws the desks at school.  When they put him in another room to cool down, he only getss madder.  At the age of 7 he has been sent to alternative scool and completely expelled already.  I don’t know what the fuck todo.  Grounding, nope.  Time out, nope.  Taking away his favorite posession those fucking pokemon card, nope.  Spanking him, nope.  Nothing.  He doesn’t care.  He is going to do what he wants and doesn’t give two shits about any kind of punishment.  I don’t know what to do.  Over his spring break her poured a whole gallon of paint in dad’s floor and tried to beat up Brandy’s boyrfriend.  Those were the two out of the ordinary problems with him.  Thge rest of the time was the standard screaming, throwing fits and in general just not listening.  He was supposed to be evaluated by some couselor at school, but we haven’t heard anything.  I finally got Mom to agree to talk to the doctor about him.  I don;t know what else to do.  I dread going to get him from school today because I know there is going to be a note from the teacher in his folder.  I just don’t know what to do about him.

I actually feel a little more at ease having written that all out.  No wonder I always come back to OD.

My Doll is fine today.  Saturday she was pretty good about letting her lef rest and not jumping around.  Yesterday was much harder for her.  I’m sure it was the ten pounds of chocolate and candy they shared. 

We didn’t do anything for Easter.  No eggs or anything.  Mom is sick and slept all day.  Brandy, Dad, and Granny worked all day.  It was jsut me and the kids.  I wasn’t abput to spend all that time making a big huge dinner for one adult and two kids.  They were only upset that we didn’t dye eggs.  I was a bad person because we didn’t hide eggs.  Love guilt trips from the boy.

I’m very down right now.  I need to make the call to lawyer, but tis hard.  Its such a finalizing act and I’m having a hard time with that.  I still love him.  He is still the father of my Doll.  But he is a liar.  And a cheater.  And I can’t live my life waiting to find out if he is going to cheat on me again.  But God, it hurts.  Letting go of somehtign that meant that much to me hurts.

I have to go.  I have to get Jesse from school.  Maybe I’ll empty my head some more tomorrow.

Bye.

Y’all take care,

Mandy

Ovarian cancer: It whispers, so listen.