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I haven’t been great at NoJoMo, sorry. This is the last day so I thought i should write something thing.
I was going back and forth about writing about this because since it is only my side of the story you will eith think A) God, William is such a fucking asshole or B) OMG Mandy is a fucking nut job. Or more likely both.
But here I go.
So we had a stupid blow out fight on Monday. Through e-mail, which automatically makes it stupid because you can’t tell what someone really means through e-mail and text and you lose all inflections and add extra meanings to shit. Or was that just me? I’m sure I’m the only person who can have a whole fight in their head right in front of the person and plan out exactly what shithead things they are going to say and then continue to argue even though they haven’t really said a word. Told you, nut job.
So I was whining to him through e-,ail that I didn’t want to write the paper I was working on. It was about death and bereavement for my Psych class. A super hard subject and you know, and of course much more shallowly, I’m a member of the lost a parent club so I can whine about it if I fucking well please.He made a comment back through that I was going to be a nurse and it was something I was going to have to deal with. I wanted to be able to cry on his shoulder and have an i miss my Mom moment. he totally missed that part. While he says he was being funny, I told him that I wanted him to be caring and mushy right then. You know, not his normal sarcastic shit.
It kept going. He got shittier, I got shittier. I tried to explain to him that I wanted to be able to whine. He said I should have put a disclaimer at the top of my e-mail. See, shitty. oh and then he said I was unreasonable. It went really down hill. I’m famous for my name calling and cheap shots.
We eventually apologized. We haven’t talked about it since Monday, but I’m still pretty stuck on it. I have the e-mails in a folder and I keep going over them to try and find out what went wrong, but I just end up in tears or angry again.
And now I’m refusing to write to him. I was sending him a note to say I love you everyday, but I stopped. And I feel like an asshole about that, but I’m afraid it will turn into something else.
What am I supposed to do? I kinda feel defeated about it, over a stupid fucking e-mail.
Mandy
Ovarian cancer: It whispers, so listen.
It is a sensitive topic, and it is easy to become OVERsensitive and lash out. Like.. I get super sensitive when it comes to anything about my anxiety disorder. It is most likely you wished for William to be a certain way, and he had no idea (especially through e-mail) what you were needing in your head. And you lashed out. And he lashed out back since he felt attacked. And it is also likely that he would never intentionally be mean regarding the loss of your mother. In sum, forgive. It was over e-mail. If he was being intentionally an asshole, you would already know this about him from past behavior – including in person. He hurt your feelings, and he most likely never meant to. It went too far and got out of hand. And especially when it comes to losing someone AND writing about death.. it is the holiday season so these feelings are heightened. Last, delete the e-mails. There is no reason to relive something that got out of hand. Just..delete..them.
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RYN: I hope there IS good news :o)
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His assumption you should get used to it is BS! You never get used to it, and you probably never should, Mandy.
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Wait, he didn’t say “get used to it” just that as a nurse, death is something that one would have to deal with / come in contact with (a fact.. insensitive to say but a fact), correct? I think that’s a fairly big assumption.
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