04/25/2012
I am so very lost these days. When Mom was here I had a purpose. I took care of her. I was going to school to make life better.
Now I am just the horrible lazy blob who doesn’t do a fucking thing. We are coming up on two years and I’m still the lazy blob waiting for my Mommy to tell me what to do next.
I want to grow up. I want to go back to school and be more. God knows that Doll needs me to do right. Jesse might still need me to be here.
Why can’t I move forward? Why am I sitting here waiting for you to tell me what to do? I was a smart ass independent person before, why can’t I do it now?
Because my God how I miss you. Could I lay my head in your lap just one more time? Would you rub my head and tell me you love me no matter what? Please? Could I hear you talk just once more? I swear I can make it through if I could see you just once more.
Mandy
Ovarian cancer: It whispers, so listen.
~hugs~ She is still with you, every day, she is inside of you. Make her proud, show her you can do it. It will hard but take it one step at a time.
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((((HUGS))))
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I agree, she is still with you. She would want you to go back to school and not give up.
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It will get easier as time passes, it did in my case. Two years is still too soon, though.
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