“You’re long gone now”

I’ve made a couple conclusions about myself lately. I am a horrible horrible person.… You see I came to this conclusion as I was going through old letters from my ex boyfriends.

I have had 3 boyfriends in my entire life. One shouldn’t techinically count cause it was a strickly internet thing but still he was a sweet guy and I honestly believe he cared about me… but what did I do… Left him for my next bf. Now Ben was my first everything. He was a nice guy too but in the end I was a crazy bitch to him so he left me. Then I started dating Nick. Nick is the nicest guy in the freaking planet and I still find a way to mess it up. We are still together but I’m always thinking we should break up.

I now realize that everytime I get a guy that honestly cares about me I will be happy… for a lil bit. Then I turn around and have to be a bitch or go crazy on them. They try and work it out with me but NOOOOO I will end up liking someone else…. I want what I can’t have and once I have it and should be happy I don’t want it anymore. If I keep this crap up I’m going to end up being an old cat lady I swear!

So other than that I also realize I want to be a better person. I’m not saying die hard christan but maybe just a nicer person…. ya know no sex before marriage no more of my swearing and not hating people so much*that will be a hard one to get over*. I think I will just feel better about myself and I will be happier in the long run.

Nowwww other than that. Nothing at all going on in my life. Got my lip pierced, want to get my eyebrow done and before I leave for college I’m getting a tattoo. I’ve finally decided I’m going to get a celtic cross with a garnet stone in the middle of it*my grandmother’s and I birthstone*. I dont’ want a huge one on my boob or something but maybe a lil one on my lower back*that’ll be cute for the world to see*

So I’m off to waste my life away. I actually think I’m gonna go work out today with Nick at our athletic club. Yay something for me to do besides lay around and play video games!