Waiting and hoping to find what I can’t figure out

    Right now… I’m wanting to crawl into a hole and never have to deal with people again. I just… GAH! I’m so sick of drama and the people that cause it. I mean how does this always happen to me!? I always seem to surround myself with people that love drama… And then I’m the friend that needs to be there to listen or be the middle man. I know I’m a little dramatic on occasion. Well I used to be anyway… but at the same time I know when to grow some balls and be an adult damn it!
    The police have been to the house on four occasions, I’ve had to take friends to the ER multiple times, and now there was an actual fucking assault Tuesday night… I just don’t know what to do anymore. I swear I’m going to just burst and break apart into a million different pieces. For a girl that doesn’t view a social life as a very important thing…  I go through a lot of shit to preserve it. Maybe deep down I love the drama… No that’s not it because if it was I wouldn’t be so pissed right now. It’s like no matter what I do I somehow find myself having to give a police statement or taking a friend off to talk to the cops. This is not how I pictured life at a tiny ass school like LSSU, especially since I decided to move into the honors house.
    As for the assault… I don’t know where I stand on that one so much. It all started because of some stupid Communications project. Irony is it was about teamwork. But I wasn’t in the group, but both sets of friends where.. and they had it out for each other from the get go. I know both sides completely blamed the other but lets not kid ourselves… you all hated each other and wanted to make it hell for anyone not on your side. I love my friends but it was like they couldn’t give up on the grudges they had for each other. The yelling started out first, and I heard a lot of that throughout the planning of the project, but then Tuesday… Tuesday started a whole new level of shit. So one of the girls basically attacked the other… I didn’t go into the hall till it was over because the last thing I needed was to get in a fight with a bitch. Wellll when I did go into the hall I saw my friend like bloody cause the one girl decided to try and choke the life out of her. Luckily she was a Criminal Justice major so she knew how to get her hands off of her throat. Now that it’s been a couple days… it’s so awkward in the house.  The attacker tried to apologize but  honestly I don’t think saying sorry is going to cut it this time, the attack-ie is pressing charges and based on the evidence I don’t see how this couldn’t be pursued.
    If that wasn’t enough I still don’t know where I’m living this summer. I know I could live at home and be miserable*or kill my sister… which ever came first*, move to Oklahoma and live with my dad*yeah….* and be TOO FAR AWAY from my friends, go take care of crazy Grandma H., or go live in a box. So far the box wouldn’t be so bad as far as my mental health is concerned but I’m figuring it wouldn’t work out to well in the long run.
    Nick and I are… complicated as of now. We talk a lot more and I realize I miss him more than I thought. But I’m not ready to take him back into my life yet. There is the other guy… who i also care about more than I thought… but at the same time I don’t want to let myself give into that too much and then be disappointed if it doesn’t work out.
    Finals… the fuckers are a comin’. I have barely gone to class this week and I am not looking forward to finals at all. I’m lucky enough to actually have only one cumulative final and the rest are just like regular tests… but still 4 tests to study for is no fun. With all the drama going on here… I’m thinking I won’t give a damn about my grades as much. Which is shocking for the girl that hasn’t gotten a C in her life. The thought of it honestly kills me a lil inside. I’m just hoping for some crazy ass luck.
   Part of me wants time to go slower so I can work on these papers and study more but the other part of me… yeah I’m pretty much willing myself to make it through these next 7 days. Then I can see Nick, my mom, and MY DOGS! Speaking of my dogs… I’m so getting a puppy this summer. My mother said we’ll see, but in her talk that means, just suprise me and I’ll say yes.
    Okay… I think that’s enough writing for now so I can go take a nap then do some papers. Woohoo….