“Thanks for the memory of things I can’t forget”

Well lets see… my life always seems to be thrown into a tizzy and I have no idea what to do! I swear sometimes this whole getting older and having to have my own life… its just to complicated.

For example I had to ask Ben about some money he owed my dad. After I did for some reason he is the only thing on my mind. It isn’t like I’m dying to get back with him but my mind just thinks about what happened. I think about how shitty I felt and how he made me hate him but I know in that first month I would have jumped at the chance for him to take me back. I now have the perfect boyfriend and yet my ex can’t stay out of my mind.

Other than that I’m completely lost on where to go to college. It’s either Lake Superior State or Western Michigan… I mean they are both great but LSSU is so much smaller and their BSN program is only 4 years unlike 5 at Western. But if I go up to LSSU there is no way Nick can  come with me and find a decent job…. GRRR so confusing.

Not only that but every time I turn around I think about losing my grandma last year…. its been almost a year now but for some reason I can’t get over it. I know I will always miss her but I just keep having these awful crying fits. I think the main reason is because all the important stuff in my life is coming up and she won’t be here for it. I mean graduating, going to college, getting married and having kids… she always told me she was going to knit booties for my babies just like she did for me…. yep here come the tears… moving on.

Scholarship deadlines are approaching and I just keep slacking off.  I know I need to get on it but for some reason every time I start I just kinda drift off and find myself on the computer wasting my life away on neopets*yes that kiddy website!*

AND OH MY GOD MY FISH JUST DIED!!! I swear to effing god!!! I started off with two and one died…. Nick got it replaced… and now that one is dead! WHY GOD! WHY GOLIATH!!!! Of course David is just swimming around enjoying himself… he is a surviving little sucker… I better go flush the other one… nasty… I wish I could just wait for Nick to do that but I would have to wait till Friday and thats just not a good thing.

So I’m gonna go flush my fish and then work on college scholarships… yay…