“I need you now”

    So this is the first time I’ve written a blog or diary entry in a long damn time…. I’m sort of avoiding writing a few papers but I don’t care. I just want to vent to something that won’t get sick of me. I feel bad because my friends have to keep hearing me whine my ass off.
    Nick is gone. It sucks balls. I miss him more than I thought I would, and it’s a lot harder than I figured it would be. Hell I knew I would miss him and I knew that I couldn’t pretend like he doesn’t exist but…. i just thought I could deal with it better.
    I think the reason I’m taking it so hard is because of how everything went down before he left. I had to deal with being in and out of the hospital, finding out I’m allergic to a freaking antibiotic, working on all the homework I missed from missing a week of school, and then paying all his bills before he left. So I didn’t even get a chance to spend quality time with him before he left. And that didn’t even hit me until I was hugging him goodbye. I’m like "Well shoot I forgot to take pictures before you left" Nick: "It’s oka-*doesn’t get to finish as I break into spontaneous tears*". I had not planned on crying about stupid pictures but it was more than that.
    Other than all of that shit that’s going down I’m trying to figure out exactly what I want to do with my life. I don’t know if I want to just get married and go live with Nick or just wait out these next 3 years and finish college up here…. There is just too many damn decisions to make. Hell I thought I had everything figured out then I realize I have no idea what I truly want.
    One thing I’m 100% positive about is Nick. Sure I’ve had my doubts and I was scared that I was with him just because I felt safe with him. I finally realize he makes me feel whole. Even when I’m not thinking about him something feels off, like I’m forgetting something. I wish I could tell him how I feel but I haven’t even been able to write him yet because I have to wait to get his damn address from his first letter. And I swear some freaking mail demon is preventing me from getting mail up here! So I have freaking 2, 2 page letters that I’ve already written to Nick but haven’t been able to send out… and I bought some cute stationary that I’m just dying to use but NOOOO have to wait for slow ass mail to come to me first.
    I think I’m going to go study for my make-up test tomorrow. I really need to get this shit done before Friday… SPRING BREAK BABY! Hells yeah! Okay, I think this has helped me clear my mind a bit…. I’m going to start doing this again…

I just thought this song was pretty. No matter how confusing everything gets I know one thing in my life is stable and that reminds me that everything is perfect. Even if I don’t have him now… I know he is still here in heart

Avril Lavigne Innocence Lyrics

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it’s so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn’t change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

[Chorus]
This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don’t go away
I need you now
And I’ll hold on to it
Don’t you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it’s so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I’m so happy here
It’s so strong and now I let myself be sincere
<br style=”font-family: Book Antiqua;” />I wouldn’t change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

[Chorus]

It’s a state of bliss, you think you’re dreaming
It’s the happiness inside that you’re feeling
It’s so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It’s so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

This innocence is brilliant, It Makes you want to cry
This innocence is brilliance Please don’t go away
Cause I need you now
And I’ll hold on to it, Don’t you let it pass you by

[Chorus]