“I hope someday you’ll have it all”

  So… Nick and I broke up. I left him because I’m sick of dealing with the bad stuff. I don’t care how much I love him and how devoted he is to me. I mean that’s great and all but that’s not enough to make a marriage work. He was discharged from the Navy and I really don’t want to go into details… but this is the last straw. This was going to be his last chance to show me he could be an adult. He completely showed me the opposite, and I said enough was enough. Hell maybe in the future he can prove to me other wise but I’m not going to hold his hand and guide him on the right path anymore.
   I hope I don’t sound like a bad person… its just he’s been so bull headed and stubborn and as much as I loved him he was frustrating me to no end. We would tell him not to go to Cash Advance places again and he’d say ok! AND THEN GO OFF AND DO IT ANYWAY! If it was just that it would be one thing but no…. he acts like he listens and then does what he wants. He took complete advantage of my family and now he needs to learn to be on his own, I’m not going to take care of him anymore!
   I just feel like such an idiot! I thought he would change and I thought we would be getting married… and GRRR!!! I was so proud of him!!!! BUT NO!!!!!!!!! He had to go screw that up! It’s honestly embarassing having to deal with telling everyone "Oh yeah that guy that I was deeply in love with… yeah it’s over…." I know I should worry about it, but it’s still on my mind if I think about it a lot.
   This is like a complete turn around from my last entry which was "I’m so sad, I miss him so much" and all that crap. And sure I love him, and I still miss him but DAMN! I just can’t keep stressing about his issues anymore. He says he wants to get into college and get a job and all this crap… and that’s good for him. Hell I want him to do it, but I can’t stay with him while he is doing it this time. He needs to get himself in order before he can worry about a serious relationship. So my mom and I are packing up his things and getting things ready for him when he gets back.
      Now I get to focus on school and friends more. Which is a good thing I think…. Nick isn’t back yet so I will hate having to deal with that but for now I’m happy. I’m talking to some of my old friends and it’s really nice catching up, and not worrying about what Nick will think. Also maybe for once I’ll get to just be a young person in college… I was in one long term relationship then another right after that… I’m just a kid, I’ve never had the chance to just be single.
   I’m dealing with all of this a lot better than I thought I would, but I’m still hoping this crap won’t ruin my spring break…
SUM 41 LYRICS

"88"
Wait how long would you wait
just for me to call
I know you make mistakes
yeah but
I hope some day you have it all
cause I feel like a prisoner
trapped inside this broken world
while I’m playing the victim again
running in circles
to me it’s all the same
and though nothing’s gonna change
Still, I hope someday you have it all

Take this aggravation that I’ve thrown myself into
change this situation just cause I need something new

And still I feel like a prisoner
trapped inside this broken world
while I’m playing the victim again
running in circles
to me it’s all the same
and though nothing’s gonna change
Still, I hope someday you have it all

I hope some day you have it all

if we could all depend
on what we know
if you could understand
I’m losing control
that I’m losing control
that I’m losing control
that I’m losing control