“‘Cause every little thing gonna be alright”

Got an email that this site was back and had to re-read my old entries….. it’s just so much. Each entry brings all those emotions back, plus seeing them now with the knowledge I have now, it’s hard. You always hear people say “It seems important now, but give it time”, or “You’ll understand when you’re older.” But when you get to actually go back and read the exact thoughts you were having as a young teen, it really hits you.

Its weird reading the stuff when I was 15. I’m nearly 30 now and my life is no where I thought it would be. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just different. I imagined I’d go far away to university, get my dream job, move far away and eventually settle down.

Still with Nick, although we’re married now. It has its ups and downs. There are definitely moments I worry I settled down to early in life, but at the end of the day he’s the one I’m meant to be with. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have the two things that have made my life worth it.

I’m a mother to a ridiculously smart nearly 8 year old daughter, and a sweet beautiful 3 year old son. College was started but never finished. I’ve been a stay at home mom for years now, and I’m the stereotypical soccer, dance, PTO mom. I’ve definitely enjoyed it and it’s been rewarding getting to be so hands on in raising my kids and making their world a better place. Also, a perk to being a SAHM is all the volunteering I’ve been doing with my daughter’s school. It’s gone so well I’m pretty sure I’m going to try to work in the school system once my youngest goes to preschool.

As for me as a person…. I like to think I’ve changed for the better. Even though I still battle depression and anxiety I try to be a generally hopeful and kind person. Which is very different from the melodramatic, angsty, teenager I once was. But my age has come with its own hurdles. Overall I’m happy, but I’ve definitely sometimes wanted an escape from my day to day. Going over those old entries keeps making me thinking about the what if’s of my life.

Considering getting a subscription to this and maybe start writing again. Just to help me through my mental shit I always seem to be fighting.