sex is pretty tricky

Dating and sex are far too complicated. What’s bothering me is the guy I’m sleeping with. He’s a wonderful and attractive person. We get along swimmingly. If I weren’t terrified of rejection I might even ask him to be my boyfriend. After all, he keeps saying he’s crazy about me, but I feel like I might’ve screwed that up a little by hanging out with him too much and getting all weird and quiet at the end… but alas that’s not what I’m trying to figure out right now.

The issue is how things are in bed. Right now he can’t last more than two minutes, which is frankly quite flattering, but it’s also frustrating. I’m quite sure once he gets used to me he’ll be able to last longer – my best friend (who is his ex) actually set us up, and as strange of a situation as that is I know she’d tell me if he had performance issues. I think he’s just anxious with me. Now what’s bothering me is that this guy is incredibly handsome and quick to find my pressure points, but I’m finding it difficult to get completely aroused around him. I’m not sure, maybe we’re both just incredibly anxious. The thing is my last boyfriend, Dan was an ugly fellow and I completely lost attraction for him a long time ago. However our sex life was fantastic. There’s something about ugly guys that really takes the pressure out of sex. I’m not trying to be a prick here, I know I just called my ex ugly but his looks were never important.

So I’m confused how it is I get more aroused by someone who I’m not even remotely attracted to than to the beautiful man that I’m currently dating. I mean I’m getting Turned On, it’s just that the pipes aren’t working…

And I do like this new guy a lot, I should frigging ask him out. I’m going to wait a little while first, make sure our personalities continue to click.. and hopefully that the sex improves (which it will!) Yet I think that if he doesn’t make me cum soon it’s going to be a serious blow to his self esteem, which will make him lose interest in me. I have reasons to believe that which I won’t bother going into. But it’s incredibly difficult for me to have orgasms as it is, and feeling pressured into having one sometime in the near future is giving me performance anxiety. I’ve been really thinking about just faking it, but since I genuinely like this guy I know I’d feel too guilty.

I’m positive I could cum for him… just right now there’s too much pressure and expectations. That’s another reason my ex, Dan was easier to sleep with – he knew when I couldn’t cum it had nothing to do with him.

I thought dating a beautiful person would be a lot easier than this. Part of me wants to give up and call it quits. There’s a voice inside me that keeps telling me he’s losing interest or thinks I’m clingy or boring. And I try to remind myself what a great personality he has and how kind he is to me… I’m just so afraid of rejection. I know he finds me physically attractive… but I feel like it’s impossible for him to find my personality attractive as well.

Reading over this entry again… I sound like a prick. I swear I’m not though. I don’t sleep around, and I’m careful to chose who I do sleep with. I’m just scared I’m going to lose my chance to be with this guy because of a problem that we could fix.