I’m a F*** up

It seems that I have a talent for screwing up every good thing that happens to me. Well… not everything. But over all messing up seems to be my strong point. Take for example my current job situation. I was only hired last week and have since worked six days, at an ice cream shop. Last night my boss decided to tell me I was too slow and to find another job. After much pleeding on my part, he gave me three more days to improve, but made sure I knew that he didn’t see any possibility of me improving, because I just suck that bad.

Alright, so you may be asking yourself, so what? It’s just one job. Aye, it is, but it’s the third job in about four months that I’ve lost. The last job I lost was at a thrift store, where I didn’t believe it was possible to f*** up, but it was. And prior to that I lost (or was brutally refused) my possition at my camp that I’d been a staff member at for four years. 

I’d like to believe these people are just looking for excuses to fire me, but alas that’s not where the evidence points.

It’s become increasingly difficult to keep my dignity. 

I don’t even know how I’m going to improve in three days. I didn’t think I was being that slow, so it’s hard to see how I can get any better. But I must. If I lose this job I don’t only disapoint myself, but everyone around me. And sure, maybe people will be sympathetic at first, but give it a week and everyone will be complaining about how I’m not doing anything and I should be making money. And since it took my so long to find this job, I figure its going to be a long time before I get a new one, which means there’s plenty of time for my parents, my friends, my boyfriend, and heck – even the mail man, to tell me I’m lazy and should have done better. Golly, there’s so much to look forward to!

As much as I want to work so that I can keep myself busy and have money and what not, I wish I could win the lottery so I didn’t have to. I wish I had some kind of talent or gimmick that I could sell because then I could be my own boss, and no one would ever fire me again. I mean as original as my idea to start a dating website is, I wish I could think of something that would actually make me money. If I could I would just write – but A) I’m not that talented of a writer and B)No one makes money writing. 

*sigh* soon enough I’ll be adding the Ice Cream Shop to the list of places I can never go to again.

I just wish I could do something right.