10/24/2012

Have you ever found the sort of love that makes you question whether or not you were ever in love before? I know I’ve loved before, but whatever This is, I have never felt until now.

The closest I’ve ever felt to this was when I met a boy at camp who lived in california, and whom I never expected to see again. With him every day had to count. Every day was special. And now – with my actually boyfriend every minute feels like that – but he’s not going anywhere. It’s odd to love someone who’s not going to leave you.

I was never in love with James. I loved him, sure. It’s easy to love. But when he told me he loved me I didn’t feel the same way. I only cared enough to lie and say I did. I loved James more with time, but I never saw a future past the moment we were in. And I never really cared to thank God for bringing us together. I can’t say exactly what is different about Brandon, just that it Is different. I care about him so much and he makes me so happy that I wouldn’t really mind it if Brandon wanted to be with someone else, or if we broke up – just that I met him. That would be all that would matter.

He’s going to be visiting his Dad in the states soon and I can’t deny that it’s reminiscent of Caliboy in that way. But I know he’s coming home afterwards.

I wonder if I should tell him how I feel.