the sun’s eyebrows

so much to do,
so little time,
it’s like i want to cram as much as i can into a single day,
a single hour, a single minute.

i want to experience a lifetime in a moment.

always in a rush,
but i slow down sometimes,
letting my eyes absorb the beauty of nature,
of existence.

i can’t force my veins to untangle themselves
and when they’re in a knot, i get belligerent
and my face is a thunderstorm
and hail is pouring from my eyes.

i’m not even sure what the pretty words mean.

the fear is a bubble inside my chest,
that maybe i’m wrong,
that maybe i might make a mistake.

but i put my foot down on its fluid walls
and squash it into nothingness.
no one has a clue,
so i need to stop acting like i do.

taking tiny steps, and sometimes,
it isn’t enough.
but many things are never enough for me.
especially with my attitude about instant gratification.

i wonder if someday my dreams will envelope me,
cradle my head.
doubt it.

like the way "No Surprise" was playing in the restaurant last night;
my back got stiff and I felt ounces of restlessness, craziness, slipping through my muscle fibers.
i wanted to run until my breath exploded with oxygen.
oxygen i feel i don’t deserve, so i take even deeper breaths, because i’m happy about it anyway.

what am i even saying?
i guess my soul wanted to talk.

maybe i should take a walk in the sunshine, maybe Georgia or one of the Carolinas, and sip on some lemonade, and people watch.
would i feel whole?
perhaps, but everyone is broken,
and that is the saddest truth of all.

love
amanda