Thank You For Showing Me Beauty

I have that warm, fluttery feeling again – the one that tells me I sub-conciously have something to write.
Have you ever realized how beautiful music can be? It can sway your mood and make you feel simply invincible. I’ve been feeling like that a lot, lately – invincible. And, lately, I’ve been thinking of everything in poetic terms. I am rocking with the sway of a motorboat and glancing up at the beautiful sky, and describing it as, "a pearl pink melting into ribbons of midnight blue. pearl pink glows with the lights of the city, sizzling with the buzz of midnight laughter and drunken pleasure." See? Weird.
Last night I went out for a smoke, and I glanced at the grass; the grass i’ve walked across thousands, millions of times. It was a startling green, when last week it was dead and/or dying, looking crisp and brown and dry. It startled me and I looked through the property-bordering trees at a small fire, brewing and twisting and crackling, and found it simply magical and uplifting. Last night I was wrapped in a blanket of bliss, when the weather was perfect and in the sky, planes were winking at me and stars were glowing. The green, green grass and the mystical fire and the memories of a thousand other times, running to and fro in the backyard. Alone with memories and thoughts and indescribable feelings, I was tumbling through my own life, too scared to keep going but too selfish to stop. It’s hard to describe, but when you’re sitting there, and a perfect moment just hits you, you’re trapped. You can’t move and you drink in air like it’s your very last breath. You are startled and pleased and so very alone, but it feels good. Good like the first drag of a cigarette, when it sends tingles down every vein, artery, capillary in your body. Suddenly I don’t feel so very awkward, as I often do nowadays. I felt whole and wonderful and …. peaceful. Nothing was separated into good or bad or evil or saintly. Everything just…was for a moment. Night cascaded down and swept me up and I was captured and surrounded with bliss.
And nothing is more romantic than drifting on a motorboat and listening to waves crash, even as fear engulfs you and smothers your lungs. Fear? Because the waves are crawling up the side of the boat and the skyline melts into the water and the motor is sputtering like a old man drawing out a shaky breath before he dies. I shivered with cold but it was a peaceful, comfortable sort of wind crawling down and freezing up my spine. Stars were covered by massive, ever-stretching clouds and drowned out by the pearl pink/gray sky combined with the city lights. Thousands of windows beamed brightly out at me and his hand is pressed against mine and I am at peace. I am content. I just am, no judgements or expectations or rules or fights, even within myself. There is just nothing like it.
Thank you.
Amanda.