Struck With A Bullet
- i am feeling violent. i’d like to strike out at someone.
- i’m an idiot.
- it sucks when someone knows what you want, but they don’t give half a damn.
- or when they don’t respond to your very important text messages.
- especially when you fall asleep sometime after 6 am and find yourself awakened by Mr.Jolly at 10 am
- When you spent the entirety of your night bawling your eyes out.
- Only a portion of it was because of your shattered heart.
- The other was from the incessant burning-feeling in your sliced finger.
- that would not stop bleeding.
- and you get pissed when he says, "you better not be doing that crap on my behalf"
- which firstly, makes no sense
- and secondly, comes in as an easy second to the eloquence of someone else.
- it sucks when someone says they "love" you
- when they are threatening and refusing to not be even your friend
- when they ask you to sacrifice yourself, the being of YOURSELF,
- so that they can have you.
- and you spent the morning incredibly angry,
- with a finger that is STILL throbbing, but thankfully stopped bleeding
- and you had to drive to Walmart for creamer
- and you prayed in the parking lot that you wouldn’t run into him,
- because you surely didn’t want to abide by "misery loves company".
- And now, you have an incredible headache,
- and an angry heart,
- and you’re starting to question why God is so cruel
- to make more than three people fancy themselves IN LOVE with you,
- and destined to marry you.
- So that they never want to be "just friends"
- they want to be the one you come to, they want to hold you.
- And while they are pouring those incredibly sweet words into your ears,
- all you want to do is run far, far, far away.
- just keep running. go anywhere. be anything.
- Sometimes the weight of the world is unbearable.
- And I never asked for the burden.
- I want to go back to sleep.
i refuse to feel like dirt. i refuse to apologize for wanting to learn to love and trust myself before i do so to someone else. i refuse to give in or give up. I’m sorry I can’t fulfill your expectations. I must be such an awful person for saying any of this or refusing to lie to both of us by being in a relationship. I was strong before you, and I’ll be strong now. Peace fucking out. amanda.