Staying, like stars

i take the easy road because you are like warm, summer grass between my toes. maybe it’s wrong, maybe i’m a selfish shell of a person unable to let go. but i’m fighting. i’m fighting because you are more than a convenient phone call when things get bad….i can’t believe you think that’s what you are to me. Once upon a time, I was young and foolish and naive and so in love with you. Or maybe the idea of you. I’m not sure anymore. But I am not willing to let you go yet. Maybe in time it won’t matter anymore. But right now, it matters. You matter. I can’t slip through a silky summer without you there. As a guiding hand, as a North star that orients me. You are like a well-loved road i’ve driven countless times, beneath the stars and the leafy trees and the satin of the night sky, accompanied by an array of different emotions each and every time, but nevertheless, a road i keep coming back to.
You still feel like home, and I refuse to feel the pain of your absence. Call me crazy. Call me selfish. But I fight for I want. Always. And I want you, in my life, until I have scraggly gray hair and your eyes aren’t quite so intoxicating a blue. Thank you for staying.
Thank you.

Love,
Amanda.