Sighs

I broke today and smoked 2.

Last night was awful. I was so crabby and out of sorts, and I ended up bawling again. For three and a half minutes. Even when I cried last week I only cried for about 5 minutes. It’s a miracle that I can actually get any tears out at all, but I always feel foolish when I stop crying two minutes after I shatter. I always feel foolish when I cry anyway.

This morning I woke up with a start because no one in my house has an inside voice. With my room being a stone’s throw from the kitchen, and me being a very light sleeper, I almost always wake up when people’s voices go from talking to LOUDLY talking. My sister was being a obnoxious, whiny, and self-entitled. And something just broke.

Now Dustin and I are arguing because he wants me to give him the rest of the pack to hold on to, but is pissed because I’m doing it to appease him. He doesn’t want me to give them to him "just to appease" him. I smoked for nearly four years and only quit for 10 days….what do you want? Of COURSE i’m not going to be happy about dropping $8.50 on a pack & a lighter and then forking them over like a naughty child.

They do taste disgusting though. I don’t know what to do at this point.

I just want things to get better. And right now, it’s looking kind of bleak.

<3 Amanda