Shards of Nothing

It’s getting far too tough to handle, this whole idea of forever. I can’t feel forever when I have yet to feel the longing I read in all my storybooks. Your eyes are watery and your voice is breaking, but your gaze holds more steadily than ever, as if tempting me to break your fragile heart. My heart has been made from steel for what seems like years, but yours is still smooth like silk, no trace of cuts or bruises. That heart of yours rests wholly in my hands, and I’m not sure I’m ready for the responsibility.
My sharpened words slice into you; my verbal armory is stocked. You pretend not to feel the blow-by-blow, but I can see it in the way your voice fades away, not even the faintest trace of the steel. How cruel a monster am I? I take what isn’t mine and cut you deep with it. Who am I to toy with your feelings? Yet, here I stand, stealing away everything except your love for me. Now I must ask you why you could love such a monster.
And in the end, it’s the pleading note in your voice, the way your throat is clogged with tears that stops me dead in my tracks. I can’t stay away from you when you need me so much; I can’t be that monster, because she’s what I’m most afraid of. I’m afraid of hurting you.
But in that decision, I’m hurting you more and wondering when you’ll begin to notice the carvings in your heart. Why does my name resound within, when all I ever wanted was to feel secure? And now I cannot even bring myself to look you in the eyes.
<3 Amanda

Why does the darkness feel so wrong?