repressing this, just because.

Day Zero Project

I am still shaking;
I bought a tome of Wordsworth’s poems,
but before that I was perusing the co-dependency section.

I was reading a book, scanning the symptoms,
smiling a small smile to myself because I don’t know if that particular sickness will ever leave me;
and I got to the part about trust issues and almost imploded.
"Co-dependents may:
– have trouble trusting themselves..
– have trouble trusting their feelings.
– have trouble trusting their decisions".

I almost threw the book and stomped away.
Why is that so…so…ME?

I mean, I know I’m working on it,
and since Lisa first brought it up to me in therapy,
I have made a substantial amount of progress but..

Sometimes I just think I will never be who I want to be.
That I’ll always be broken.
That I’ll always be sad, restless, and alone, and that I will
look to others to fill the void, like I always have.

Random thoughts.
I should eat something and check out.
This is way too heavy for me right now.

love.