on awakening refreshed

It is near noon and I am at my parents’ house doing a week’s worth of laundry.
Shortly after I wrote that entry last night, I passed out and slept soundly.
I awakened at 9 feeling strangely rested and at peace.
I won’t let anyone take it from me today — that peace, restfulness, eyes peeled open to see the healing glow of the sun.

I have a lot of shitty things to say, my head is full of things that I have picked up on that I could spout off at any moment.
Being who I am, I can easily make judgments that may or may not be correct based off of the information I’ve collected.
But really, it’s not worth it to try and tell someone else how to live.
I am focusing on my own life instead, because that is where my attention needs to be.

I am going to stop seeking approval outside myself, because very little is forthcoming from those around me.
And that’s OK. I don’t have to like it — and I don’t — but that doesn’t make it any less true or real.
Guess whose approval matters most to me?
My own.

I’ve been a mess lately.
I haven’t felt this emotionally arrested in eons…
Little things and big things alike, digging their way into my head and throwing me completely off balance.
Causing me to make mistakes repeatedly, at work, in my personal life, in my decision-making….everything.
That will no longer be the case.
It is unacceptable.

Love,
Amanda

P.S. I will be turning my phone off at work in the interest of not allowing myself to absorb others’ emotions.