ice and stone

i feel as if i’m hiding behind this mask.
i hide my hurt, swallow my anger.

things bother me but i try to keep a level head;
and at what cost?

nights like this are made of me tearing apart at the seams.
i’m falling apart, clinging with an acute ferocity to icebergs.

sometimes i feel like i may become this hollow being,
without substance, or true emotions.

i fear reverting back into who i was before,
but i feel a strong wind forever pushing on me, creating difficulty.

it’s hard to keep opening a door when a spray of bullets keeps slicing through your vital organs every time you do.

i wish i didn’t hold onto things, or build resentment, or nurture bitterness,
but i do.

my heart feels like it’s carved from ice and stone,
because all the cruel words are forever embedded in my memory.

i forgive, but i don’t forget.
that’s the hardest part.

amanda