Good Riddance

it hasn’t been that long
since we drank to the sunset,
until it was gone

Why is it imperative that couples kiss all the time, and want to read sonnets to each other while staring deeply into each other’s eyes.
That kind of stuff makes me itch.
Brandon expects this behavior out of me, but it’s not me.
He isn’t aggressive about it, but I feel like a cold bitch when I push his face away or yank my hand out of his.
It makes me itchy. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t feel right.
How can I let someone else love me when I don’t even love myself?
I have a lot to learn, and life comes with no study guide.
You take the tests, and you learn the lessons in time.

I have a lot of personal work to do,
but with all this future-planning, and
present-sustainability,
i feel like I have no time for anyone else,
much less myself.

Bleak, but floating instead of sinking,
Amanda.
because i have to.