Black Balloon

your love’s a gathered storm
i chased across the sky
a moment in your arms
became the reason why
and you’re still the only light
that fills the emptiness
the only one i need until my dying breath
and i would give you everything
just to feel your open arms
and i’m not sure i believe anything i feel
and now, now that you’re near
there’s nothing more without you, without you here.
i’m trying to believe
the things that i don’t know –
the turning of the world
the color of your soul
that love could kill the pain
that truth is never vain
it turns strangers into lovers
and enemies to brothers
just say you understand – i never had this planned
and now, now that you’re near
there’s nothing more without you, without you here.
my head lies to my heart
but my heart, it still believes
oh, it seems the ones we love are the ones that we deceive
but you’re changing everything, you’re changing everything in me
and now, now that you’re near
there’s nothing more without you, without you here.

the goo goo dolls

sometimes, love isn’t just
shy touches and coy kisses.
it isn’t just pleasure and laughter and rightness.
sometimes, things are confusing.
And sometimes, you have to love someone a hell of a lot
to let them go.
to let them live a life without you, to let them turn down their dreams
and turn up reality.
so that you stop having these horrible, unrealistic expectations placed on your shoulders.
so that you can set them free from themselves, from their misconceptions.
because they are holding on so tightly to you
that they are missing the rest of the world.
and it hurts like hell.
and sometimes, when you let someone go,
you get this funny feeling that they should stay forever.
that you’ll never make it without them.
that everything is falling apart.
but you can’t give in, you can’t give up
you have to stay strong
because you can make it…
because, abruptly, you realize that no one
absolutely no one, makes up your whole book…
some are only a chapter, some are part one or two or three,
but never the book in its entirety.
And as much as you miss that smile,
and those words,
and the damned security,
you let them go.
because you know, in your heart, that it’s better for them.
because you know they won’t leave unless you unleash your darkest feelings,
untrue, selfish ones that don’t really exist,
so maybe they won’t pine for you anymore, but instead burn away with black fire.
he has to hate me or he’ll never find life.

i’m so cold right now,
and these tears are the first to genuinely fall in what feels like forever.
i live behind so many masks, all colorful or golden or silk,
my soul might just be melting away…
…but there’s always happiness,
there is always something to look forward to,
and maybe i’m grieving in the most fucked up, selfish way imaginable,
but I’m scraping by the only way I know how.

broken, black….hopeful
amanda.