A Romantic Kind of Quiet?

I didn’t want us to burn out,
I didn’t come here to hurt you,
now I can’t stop.
 
 
 
You know I love you, so I
love you enough
to let you go.

 
Already Gone – Kelly Clarkson

I know this can’t continue forever.
But the end seems so distant,
under magic lights and sparkling snow and the accompaniment of laughter and icy air.
And when the fall leaves fluttered around me, this all was the furthest thing from my mind. . . .
I’m sitting up here on this pedestal, and I still can’t comprehend how life has taken me to this glorious mountain top.

It’s something special to be considered good, with a heart of gold, and even beautiful, of all things.
It’s a strange thing for me,
so strange that I have taken advantage of it.
And why not?
 
 
Each have their warmth, their strength, their hearts overflowing with this odd adoration.
But my twisted words whispered in the dark are blasphemous.
I am nothing to achieve, I am no mystery to figure out,
I’m not some teardrop turquoise gem to be treasured in a golden box.
I deserve no dragon guarding,
I appreciate no valiant rescues,
or adore precious words that are as short-lived and brilliant as a spark against a black skyline.

Yet everything is so disgustingly easy to obtain and use.
I have pointed a lot of fingers, reamed out those fighting for me,
when I have done much worse, in a far more sinister way.
And isn’t that worse? Aren’t I worse?

So when will life as I know it blow up in the face of God?
I am easy to tempt, hard to please, a deluxe ticket straight into Satan’s Mistress’ arms.
I have the best intentions with no regard toward the consequences.
And someday, someday that will click into place.

With each end, there is a new beginning.

The romantic in me covets the magic; that unbreakable, shimmering seal of God’s approval,
but even as I said, teary-eyed last night,
"That’s why I’m a pessimist. There’s no chance of a breakdown-breakthrough if I can already see it coming."
…I realized that, for once in my life,
I don’t want to see it coming.

Love,
Amanda.