Nothing but triggers.

Happy New Year! (Hopefully)

I haven’t logged the past couple of days. Bad.

I spoke with my therapist yesterday and we’re working on another one of my triggers. That being my husband’s constant phone usage. Like he literally cannot walk across the room without bringing it with him and it’s super obnoxious. Not that he’s doing anything he shouldn’t be, he’s just that obsessed with it. So we’re going to start an 8:00pm cutoff. I’m going to ask some of his “regular” texters to not text after that time so we can have time for us. I also feel like, people should spend time with their own families and get off the phones. One day the people around you aren’t going to be there. Your spouse will one day pass on, your children will grow up and move out. At least you’ll have all of those text chats though, right? All of those memes from social media.

Some of the problem too is, he’s super social. Me, not so much. I’m ok with being home and not talking to anyone for lengths of time. He likes to be social and go out and see people. So while he and I have some of the same friends, he’s closer with them, bc he talks to them more. I’m more of a “distant” friend. I will go lengths of time without talking to you, but will 100% be there if you truly need me.

Yesterday he recommended with sit and watch a movie with no phones, and it was nice. We watched Independence Day. Yes, the movie from 1995 with Will Smith. I had never seen it so, he said I needed to. Lol

Next weekend he’s going away. We’re paranormal investigators and he’s going with our team to investigate the Conjuring House. We were there in October, and it didn’t go well for me, so everyone decided it would be best for me to sit it out. That put me in a downward spiral. I was angry and hurt that he especially, would decide to leave me behind. I became resentful and distant from everyone. I have I guess an unhealthy attachment to my husband, so him being gone for two nights is killing me inside. My anxiety levels are rising and I want nothing more than that weekend to be a distant memory. The closer it gets, the worse off I feel.

I tried the hemp oil he got me, but it gave me a headache. I haven’t tried since, but am willing, just to be sure that’s where the headache came from. I was a hot mess when I took it last time, so it could have been stress or crying that caused it as well.

I really just want to be better. The last thing I want it my mental instability to cause a riff between myself and my husband and my friends/teammates. We’re going to be guest speakers on a podcast on Wednesday. I know the dreaded weekend is going to come up. Sigh. Unfortunately this podcast has video also, so the expression on my face will be visible.

I just got distracted and lost my train of thought. I may do another entry later on.

Have a great day everyone!

~M